MY IAS INTERVIEW

I was interviewed by the UPSC by Air Marshal (Retd.) Satish Govind Inamdar's Board on 2nd of April 2007. I was scheduled to be interviewed in the afternoon session and was called to report at 1.15 PM. My interview started at 5. 30 PM in the evening and I was the fourth candidate to be interviewed that afternoon. It lasted for a little more than half an hour (in contrast to previous candidates who were interviewed for 45 or more minutes each).

I was wearing standard formal dress. A navy blue pant, white shirt with a bluish tinge and was sporting a half Windsor knot on my tie to give a confident look. My shoes were shining and my hairs and nails were neatly cut. In short, a perfectly conventional look for the job I aspired for. While waiting outside I remembered all the Gods that I have come across in my life. I did a bit of 'Baba Ramdev' brand pranayam too. That cooled me down a lot. The previous candidate came out and was wearing a sad look. I asked him what happened. He told me that the board is asking a lot of useless factual questions. In fact they asked him the per capita income of Russia (I came to know later that this guy was doing PhD on Russia). The bell rang and the peon indicated me to go in. I opened the door gently and before I finished my standard 'May I come in Sir?", the chairman called me in.

The room was quite big and the table was almost round and majestic. There were five people seated around it with one chair was empty (for me!). I walked with a smile and long steps. The table was around 7 steps from the door. The chairman told me to take the seat as I was walking down but I stood near my chair, saw that one of the members is a lady, wished her first and then wished the others and only then took my seat. (I speak loud and my voice boomed in this room or so I felt under pressure.) The chairman looked quite younger than what I had thought. He should be around 64 years as per websites but he looked not a day older than 50. He had quite a presence on the table and had a dominating appearance.

(for the sake of simplicity, CM stands for chairman, M1 is the lady member, M2, M3 and M4 are other male members)

CM: So you are Tirumala

Tiru: Yes Sir.

CM: Date of Birth?

Tiru: 23 Dec 78 sir

CM: Place?

Tiru: Shimoga sir

CM: Good.

CM: Tiru or Thiru?

Tiru: Tiru sir.

CM: What's the difference?

Tiru: Sir, It is not 'tha' but 'ta' (the pronunciation was in Hindi script) and my name being with 'ti' and not 'thi'

M1: OK, but how does TTD spell it?

Tiru: Sir they call it Tiru and not Thiru.

CM: What were you doing in Dhanbad?

Tiru: Sir, My father was in Central Industrial Security force and hence liable to be transferred all over India. As we stayed with him...X (I was stopped here)

CM: Oh, CISF?

Tiru: Yes Sir

CM: You are an Engineer then why do you want to be a Civil Servant?

Tiru: Sir, given an opportunity the best will move towards the best. (I had heard it from senior candidate) Moreover, the depth and breadth of experience that a person gets in civil services cannot be matched by any other job. One also gets an opportunity to serve the society in an effective way and that's why I want to become a civil servant.

CM: Do you say that non Engineers are not fit to be civil servants?

Tiru: No sir

CM: So you mean to say that non Engineers too can become civil servants?

Tiru: Sure Sir.

CM: But in order to be an Engineer, you have taken a seat which would have otherwise gone to someone else and he would have served the industry whereas you have decided to leave it? what do you say?

Tiru: Sir, In Karnataka, many seats remain vacant every year in many colleges and as such I don't think I have taken any one's share.

CM: You mean to say that the number of candidates are less than the number of seats in Karnataka?

Tiru: yes sir, it is so even in Tamil Nadu.

(Another member was nodding the head in affirmative while I said this and CM looked at him and understood that I am not lying)

CM: You passed out in 2002. This is 2007. What were you doing all these days?

Tiru: Sir, I was campus selected into Wipro fluid power in bangalore while in college and after college I worked with Wipro for two years and then changed my job and worked with Eaton Industries in Pune for 1 and half years. In Nov 2005 I quit that job and came to Delhi to prepare for civil services.

CM: Why Delhi?

Tiru: Sir, it is because in Delhi one get good material for stu...X (X symbol will mean that i was stopped at that point)

CM: Material?

Tiru: Yes sir, study material like books, magazines etc.

CM: Fine. (Looks towards the members and gestures them to ask questions)

M1 (lady member): I see that you had psychology as one of your optionals. How did you find it? Was in interesting?

Tiru: yes mam, it was very interesting.

M1: How many papers you had in psychology?

Tiru: 2 papers mam

M1: What were they?

Tiru: The first paper was on principles and theories of psychology and the second paper was on applied psychology.

M1: How will you apply psychology in administration?

Tiru: Mam applied psychology deals extensively in organizational behavior. The knowledge will come in handy to run any part of the administrative setup. The knowledge of various motivation theories will give me a chance to motivate my team to perform better. I also know community psychology. It is the application of psychological principles to solve social problems so that people can grow and realize their potential....X

M1: Why did you leave your job? Do you think you were a misfit there and that's why you want to move to civil services?

Tiru: No mam, in fact i was doing very well. I was a certified green belt in Six Sigma and my roles and responsibilities were growing every day...X

M1: What's your first option?

Tiru: IAS mam

M1: Why not IFS?

Tiru: (thinking for two seconds). Mam, to tell it in engineering terms, it all boils down to the leverage effect. An IAS (i lift my hands and place one finger of one hand on another finger of other hand to form a see saw lever) officer has a bigger leverage to work for society compared to IFS. The fulcrum position is better in his case. And mam, though I am proud to represent my country as an IFS, still I would prefer IAS due to this reason. However, it doesn't mean that I look down upon IFS. I consider both equally respectful. However the canvas to paint for an IAS is much bigger in scope due to the breadth and depth of the job.....X

CM: what is this breadth, depth and such terms? Did they teach you this in mock interviews or is it your own words? You know, coaching institutes and such places.

Tiru: (Smiling), Sir I don't believe in mocks or coaching as they are run now. These words are very much my own. In fact even to understand psychology I went to a reputed professor in Delhi University rather than going to run of the mill institutes. (The CM was looking at me as if he was expecting some more words on it but I kept quiet. I felt I had already spoken too much. He looked towards M2 and M2 takes over)

M2: So Tirumala, I saw that you said you can serve the society in an 'effective' way. What do you mean by that. What is effective?

Tiru: Sir, as an engineer I have a scientific approach towards any issue. As I said sir, I am a green belt in six sigma and that gives me a very effective tool to tackle processes....X

M2: Do you know anything about inflatable solar collector?

Tiru: I am sorry sir, I don't know.

M2: It's OK. Do you know about C A D and C A M. Can you tell me what is the advantages by using it?

Tiru: Sir, CAD stands for computer aided design and CAM stands for computer aided manufacturing but the latest buzz is CIM which stands for computer integrated manufacturing. It utilizes the synergies of CAD and CAM with an automated manufacturing setup. One can make a model using a CAD tool like Unigraphics and can readily export it after converting it to NC codes which is an inbuilt feature of the regular CAD tools and it goes to manufacturing....X

M2: You are explaining the process. I know it, can you tell me the advantages?

Tiru: yes sir, the errors comes down as the NC programming is automatic, that's number one. Number two, the total time from design to manufacturing comes down in such a setup and number three, because of these two the turnover time decreases and customer satisfaction increases.

M2: Good.

Tiru: thank you sir.

(when i was answering i was looking at all the members one by one and when i looked at the chairman, he indicated by hand to look at the member who asked the question and i devoted more time to M2 while answering his question)

M2: Tirumala, Rajiv Gandhi once said that out of every rupee allotted for the schemes, only 17 paise reaches the intended and remaining is wasted. What is your take on this sentence?

Tiru: Sir, When Raviv Gandhi said that, he was talking about our system. What he meant was that the system is so huge that the inertia and friction itself takes up so much money. He was not talking of corruption here but about the size of the system, the salaries to be given to people in it, the money that goes in maintaining files etc...X

M2: Don't call it system, call it delivery mechanism...and yes you are correct there but do you have any suggestions to bypass this mechanism so that this wastage is not there?

(I took a moment to think...around 2 seconds)

M2: Don't worry, you can take your own time...write it down if you wish..

Tiru: Thank you sir, I think decentralization is one answer. Sir, the funds can be directly allotted to grass root level panchayats. They can directly work on the schemes. That's one solution. Apart from that, one can also think of funding the NGOs who are working directly with people.

M2: Good.

Tiru: thank you sir.

M2: How can you apply IT in governance or in administration. And tell me very specifically how can it reduce wastage, time and corruption?

Tiru: Sir, IT as a process can be an integral part of administration. To answer corruption, in India corruption is basically what one calls speed money. The files goes into the system, one doesn't know where the file is, or how to move it and hence pays money to move the file or to know the status. Once the process is computerised, the whole process can be tracked online e.g. our passport system where a number is given and the status can be tracked online. That might weed out corruption. Coming to wastage, as the complete data is online it saves a lot of paperwork and trees and also the manual labor of calculations. Due to these two, the efficiency increases and will certainly lead to decrease in total turnover time for customers.

M2: How can you improve the process?

Tiru: Sir, if the process is already established one like our administrative setup, then one can use tools like DMAIC from six sigma which stands for Define, Measure, Analyze, Improve and Control. The process has to be studied in detail, to start with customers have to be identified which in this case might be the citizens using the services....X

M2: The customers are well known here.

Tiru: That's good sir. Now the Critical to quality issues for customers have to identified which....X

M2: Ok, how much time do you think will take to improve the whole system....is two or three years sufficient?

Tiru...mmmmmm in fact sir, I believe the system is too huge to change in one go, in say two or three years, it would take time.

M2: Look at your whole career or say 30 to 35 years...would that the enough?

Tiru: Certainly sir, that's quite enough time to completely overhaul the system but it has to be a joint effort by all.

M2: Good

Tiru: thank you sir.

(Till this point the interview was dominated by me...or so I felt, as i was talking aloud, in clear tone and the board members were very supportive. From this point onwards, they tested my composure in adverse conditions. My voice didn't change and i didn't waver. But yes, it was really tough to maintain my poise as situation took a turn for worse)

M3: OK, Tirumala there is some issue with currency exchange rate, something to do with dollar to rupee and things like that...any idea what is it?

Tiru: yes sir, the rupee is appreciating with respect to dollar and that is a cause for concern for exporters and at the same time a good news for importers. And sir, I am not sure how it works but I read that it would also bring down inflation.

M3: No, no...this is not what I meant....Tell me specifically, how would it affect IT industry?

Tiru: Sir, the IT industry bills their overseas customers in dollars or in Euros and hence for the same amount of euros or dollars coming in, they will have less rupees after conversion. That would decrease their margin.

M3: And what would happen to Auto industry?

Tiru: Sir, using the same logic the Auto exporters too will take a hit.

M3: No, that is wrong. Think like a mechanical engineer, the auto industry has anicilliary and main makers etc...can you now tell?

Tiru: I am extremely sorry sir but I don't know the answer.

M3: Ok leave it. There is some issue with petrol and diesel and there is some arguments going on..what is it?

Tiru: Sir the petrol and diesel prices are going up.

M3: No no, I mean there is some other issue. Using it in automobiles etc..think in that line.

Tiru: Sir the last century was oil century and this would be gas century. We will have more use of gases in automobiles and less and less petrol and diesel as we go along.

M3: No no. that won't happen for next thirty years. Think in lines of pollution.

Tiru: Yes sir, both are polluting in nature as they produce....X

M3: No no, you are a mechanical engineer, think in terms of the engines.

Tiru: Sir, in past thirty years or so, diesel technology has made a lot of progress due to improvement in fuel injection technology and they have become silent and hence all major car manufacturers are now releasing a diesel versions...X

M3: No no...i was not asking that. OK, leave it. Do you have any idea as to how many cars India produces each year?

Tiru: Sorry sir, I don't have the figures.

M3: Do you have any idea how big is our auto industry?

Tiru: I am sorry sir, I don't know.

M3: Looks like you don't know anything about industries. Tell me which industry do you know about.

Tiru: Sir, I have worked in hydraulic industry for more than 3 and half years. You can ask about that.

M3: (he had a pencil in hand all the time which he put it down now as if giving up): I don't know anything about hydraulic industry.

(I was quite relieved)

M4: Tirumala, I see that you do bodybuilding. Do you still do bodybuilding?

Tiru: No sir, that was during college days. I now concentrate more on maintaining my fitness.

M4: So you go to gym?

Tiru: Yes sir.

M4: How much weight do you lift?

Tiru: 90 kgs in bench press. 80 kgs in squats and 130 kgs in dead lift sir.

M4: What is the world record in olympics?

Tiru: Sir, powerlifting is not an olympic sport.

M4: Ok, in commonwealth?

Tiru: Not ever here sir but there are competitions at other places and in dead lifts people are lifting around 700 pounds and that works out around 320 kgs.

CM: What is difference between bodybuilding and powerlifting?

Tiru: Sir, powerlifting is all about strength and bodybuilding is about beauty of muscles. In powerlifting one has to perform squat, deadlift and benchpress and the combined total weight is taken to judge the strength and in bodybuilding one has to pose and show his muscles.

CM: You do blogging? What is it? What do you do?

Tiru: Sir, blogs are online diaries which can be used to express one's thoughts or events. Even to share points of view on issues of general nature. I maintain three blog sites sir.

CM: What kind of books do you read?

Tiru: Sir I read any book as long as it is interesting which I judge by reading first few pages. If you ask what i am reading right now, I am reading Malgudi days by R K Narayan and before that I was reading Foundation by Isaac Asimov which is a science fiction and before that I read The inscrutable americans by anurag mathur and before that mritunjaya by shivaji savant and and few novels by John Grisham...X

M4: Ok, tirumala have you seen the roads and the highways?

Tiru: yes sir,

M4: How are they?

Tiru: good sir.

M4: No I mean, what is the shape, convex, concave or straight...how does it look like. (makes shapes with hands and shows)

Tiru: (I make my hands convex and show the shape): Sir it is convex.

M4: What's that called?

Tiru: Banking....no sir, it is not banking....I am sorry I don't know.

M4: It is called camber.

Tiru: thank you sir.

M4: Now tell me, why is this camber there?

Tiru: I am not sure sir.

M4: Take a guess.

Tiru: Maybe sir because the wheels give loads on ends of the roads and over a period of time....X

M4: No no that's not the reason.

Tiru: I am sorry sir, I don't know.

M4: It is for drainage purposes. That way, the water will flow sidewards and not collect at the centre.

Tiru: yes sir, that's logical. Thank you sir.

M4: Why is banking given on turns?

Tiru: To avoid vehicles from toppling over or skidding while taking a turn.

M4: and why does vehicle topple or skid?

Tiru: Sir the centrifugal force acting on the vehicle makes them do so. The reaction force tries to balance the centrifugal force acting inwards and when centrifugal force is more the vehicle topples.

M4: Centrigual force acts inwards?

Tiru: mmmmm...

M4: How does the vehicle topple?

Tiru: Outwards

M4: Then how should the centrifugal force act?

Tiru: yes sir, I was wrong, it actually acts outwards and in fact centripetal is the one acting inwards.

M4: Think again. I think you were right earlier.

Tiru: (I was really confused now...and though i knew i was wrong earlier but i took a moment here. All the members on the board broke into smiles and started laughing slowly. I too looked at them and we all laughed): Sir...X

M4: So you are confused.

Tiru: Sir I accept that I am confused.

CM: But you should know this. This is basic.

Tiru: yes sir, I accept I should know this. I agree.

CM: Do you know about the differential gears used in two wheelers?

Tiru: Sir as per my knowledge they are used in four wheelers.

CM: yes yes, wahi wahi. Tell me why is it used?

Tiru: sir when a vehicle takes a turn the radius of turn for the outer wheels is more than that for inner wheels due to which the number of effective turns required for the outer wheels is more than that required for inner wheels....X

CM: Why do engineers speak so technically. Tell me what will happen?

Tiru: Sir the tyres will wear faster.

CM: That's all? What's the major effect? That's just a minor effect.

Tiru: I am sorry sir, I can't recall any other effect.

CM: The axle will break. Remember the horse drawn carriages? Have you seen bailgadis? (Bailgadi = bullock cart)

Tiru: yes sir, bailgadis don't have differentials.

(I don't know why but when i said that all members in the board laughed.)

CM: Ok, tell me what differential mechanism do they use in trains.

Tiru: I am not sure sir.

CM: Think again. Don't you think they need differentials?

Tiru: To take a guess sir, the effective turning radius is very big for trains and they may not need them.

CM: But the load is very high. So they do need them.

Tiru: yes sir, that's logical.

CM: Ok, then take a guess. There are many types of differentials. Hydraulic, pneumatic, mechanical etc. What type they are using?

Tiru: I am afraid sir, I don't have any idea. However it sounds interesting to me and next time I am on a train, I will make it a point to bend down and see what differential mechanism they are using.

CM smiles at me.

CM: Tirumala, your interview is now over. Good. Do you have any suggestions for the board?

Tiru: No sir.

CM: Do you have any suggestions for the exam system?

Tiru: No sir.

CM: You may leave now. Thank you.

Tiru: Thank you sirs. thank you mam.

I get up from the chair. Take two steps back. Turn around and walk out of the door.

I come out. I meet the last candidate who is waiting outside the room. I wish him all the best and come out of UPSC. Now I am waiting for the results. It all depends on how much I score in mains and in this interview. Hopefully things will work out well. Fingers crossed till then. The results are expected around Mid May.

Tiru

(I got 180 marks out of 300 for this interview. Refer the marks details in another blog above)

Cleared the Mains

007389.........007393.......007396.....yes...yes...yes...it's there...my number is there....I cleared my mains exams. I got a call for the interview. Thank God...thank everyone...what a feeling! mmm...in fact...what a relief!
The results of mains exam were declared on internet today afternoon around 12.30. Whole of Jia sarai was on roads...discussing the results. Some were happy (those who cleared), some were sad (those who couldn't make it) and some were neutral (those who had not appeared). It is not easy to digest failure as it is one year gone by without anything positive to take home. Some of my good friends couldn't make it. And though I am happy about my result and those who cleared, at the same time, I am at loss of words to talk with those who didn't. I feel sad for them as i know that they too deserved to be there as much as I.
The next step is interviews. And the marks are additive. i.e. the mains marks (out of 2000) will be added to the interview marks (out of 300) and the merit list would be prepared. There are around 600 seats and the number of candidates called for interview is around 1450. Out of these 600 around top 70 will be IAS. That's everyone's dream. Including mine. Here I reproduce the earlier blog I wrote when I cleared my prelims in August to explain the whole selection process for those who don't know:

The scheme of civil service exam goes like this:
Stage I : Preliminary exam (in May):
around 200000 students appear for objective type exam(out of more than 300000 who acually fill the form)Results of preliminary: announced in Aug (aug 10th this time): Around 6000-10000 qualify based on total number of seats available. I was here in August. I was in the qualified list (i.e. in that 6000-10000). This stage separates men from boys.

Stage 2: Mains exam:

The qualified students appear for a 9 paper wide subjective tests spanning over a month from oct to november.Results of mains arrive in March (the following year). It came today on March 14th. Around 2.5 times the total requirement is selected for next stage viz. interview. Here big shots are separated from men. I am here right now.

Stage 3 : Interview:
A month long process and each candidate faces a board of eminent people. The interview marks are added to the marks obtained in mains exam. Then the merit list is prepared.

Final Result:
The final list comes out by first week of May (just before the preliminary of the following year). Here babus are separated from big shots. The selected ones go into babuland....and never come out.

So....still some way for me to go....it was just the second hurdle I cleared....

Wish me luck buddy...see you in babuland....

Tiru

SHITTY FEELINGS

Shit. A piece of it. A big one. I just feel like a big piece of shit. I am down with cold and cough and mild feverish feeling (not sure whether it is really fever or just the trailer). I float when I walk. Had a coupon of 5 rupees with me to surf Internet. Floated here and writing this blog just to see how the blog comes when one is not fully in elements. The results have not yet come. The engineering services results will come in April (reliable sources in Jia sarai say) and Civil services mains results will come anytime next week. Meanwhile, my roomy went home. He was ill. I guess he passed the virus to me while moving his ass out. Now the virus colony is thriving inside me. Making me dizzy. I see other fellows floating on road. Many are ill. It seems it is viral season in Delhi. Don't know but it is sure one for Jia sarai. If one person gets virus here, it won't take much time to spread to everyone. The lanes and houses are designed that way. Perfectly optimized to spread the micro-organisms.

Read the complete budget speech by PC today morning. Economic times had covered it. I feel it is a better paper than 'the biased Hindu'. I got hooked to ET around two months back. Now, I get a better perspectives of things. I always thought future trading of commodities is bad for people till I read ET. For sure, Power is Knowledge. And yes, ET sprinkles a lot of semi nude photos at all odd places in newspaper making it really spicy. In comparison, the Hindu gives photo of only Paul Krugman in the center page, not too sexy to look at as the first thing in morning. And he blabbers all about America's problems, their taxes, their living standards, their presidential choices, their feelings, their toilet paper costs etc. Who cares!!! We are in India. But anyway, coverage of international affairs is better in 'the Hindu' except for the fact that their international affair starts and ends with Fidel Castro. Even if Fidel farts, it is news for Hindu. "Fidel feels better today", "Fidel's latest video released", these can well be headlines. For other papers, Fidel doesn't exist. I am waiting for a day when I would read "Fidel farts louder than yesterday". Let's see, I hope Hindu won't let me down. And this should happen fast as Fidel has very few days on earth. He is already very old you know. Well about these stuffs sometime later but yes, ET reading is fun. Economy is fun with these fellas. Times group knows how to entertain, though they may be bad at informing.

OK, now i feel better. Blogging is like a tonic. I feel as light as a happy stomach after a mighty burp or the lower intestine after a stinky fart. Whatever!! Will go out and have a gingery chai. These fellows add ginger copiously into tea and though i hate it at other times, it is good when one is in my condition. The fellow in front of me (on the other side of comp) is digging his nose. Rhinothilexomaniac you know. Common problem in India. Many are addicted. Now he is checking his genitals. Scratched it. Gee, he got up. Going out. Went. Saala chutiya.

Anyway, time to move now....don't know what i have written..have to come when in senses and edit...posting it for the time being....excuse for typos and grammos.

tiru

THE WAIT

The results of UPSC exams are supposed to come anytime. I expect good results in two exams that I appeared last year. One is Engineering Service exams (results due any moment) and the other is IAS mains (resultS expected in first or second week of March). In fact, everyone expects good results. Failure is no option. It means a year gone waste. Not exactly waste, but in a way, nothing less than waste.
One learns things from failure. So nice to hear/preach this but so difficult to bear when it comes to oneself. One never learns from failure. One bears them. Grudgingly. That process of bearing teaches things. Not the failure. I can already see the desperate eyes moving around in Jia Sarai. I see the pain of long wait. I see the anxiety. I see the worry lines. I see the anticipation. I see a mix of feelings. I see so much that now I don't see. Rather I choose not to see.
The results mean a lot to me. And to everyone who appears in this exam. A favorable result will lead me into interview (final stage) and an unfavorable result will negate all my good work of last year and make me stand at the beginning line. To start the race all over. Will I have the courage to pick up from there then? Will I feel the same strength in my shoulders to carry the weight of expectations? Will my brain cells support me? Will my body take all those long night outs for studies all over again? Will I have the guts to stay in these crowded yet lonely, dark lanes of Jia Sarai? Can I manage one more year in a 6 feet by 8 feet room where I and my books jostle for space? Will I have money to make my ends meet in case I want to take up the exam again? Will I have the will to take on? Take on the challenge?
The same questions bother others too I suppose. When I wish that I should get through, I also wish that all those who appeared and worked hard should clear the hurdle. But I know, all can't get through. Some might be left out. That 'some' is a big lot. The question is, whether I belong to this 'some' lot or the cleared lot? It does mean a lot.


Tiru

Addicted

Competition gives me high. It makes me feel alive. When I compete, I am completely in the present. I lose the time sense. I forget my limitations, I forget my worries, and I cease to have multiple identities. In fact, when the competition is at the peak, I merge with whatever I am doing. There is no difference between the actor and the activity.

Competition implies instability. One may succeed or fail while competing. Stability implies prediction. I hate to have a predictable future. Uncertainty is life. Living life on the edge is actual living. The motor neurons perform best when there is danger to life. The brain neurons fire best when they are under pressure to perform. Observe the sentences in this paragraph. They are short. Sentences formed by someone competing. No nonsense approach. Like rain drops falling. Do you see the hurry it implies? Do you see the sense of urgency? Do you see carelessness towards trivial things of life? Do you see a higher sense of purpose?

I love to fight. I can’t have physical fights now. I am grown up. So I fight mentally. That’s where competition comes in. I can virtually fight with millions who are competing with (or against?) me. I might win or lose. That’s not important. What’s important is the act of competing. I am fully alive throughout the process. The process ends after the results are out. Then what would I do? I can compete again if I lose. What if I win? I need one more competition. I am an addict. And I know there is no way out of this addiction. I will be this way all my life. Chucking stability and welcoming challenges. Why? You feel I am crazy? No, I am not. I have to do this, as I know that the day I stop competing, I am dead. And you see I don’t want to die anytime soon.

Tiru

A Gowda in Sarai

Somashekara Gowda visited Jia Sarai last week. Basically Somashekara means, one who shakes his body (soma=body and shekara=one who shakes). But i am yet to see someone steadier than our Somashekara Gowda. Once he decides, he gets it. He was my college mate and now he is preparing for civil services (Pub Ad + Geography optionals) and that too while working. I wish him all luck.

We called him 'Gowda' (no relation with Deve Gowda though). A studious guy in college, he even skipped going home during holidays to catch up with his studies. As I was one more moron who skipped going home, Gowda's friendship was handy for arranging lunch (sometimes). He had a rice cooker you know. Ah, the taste of puliogere mix and hot rice...i can never forget those days.

OK, now coming to looks, he resembles a grown up Dexter from Dexter's laboratory. With similar glasses and studious look. I have never heard him speaking anything about love, lust or money. Well, till i showed him around in Delhi last week. He never boozes, never smokes and never tried Marijuana. Had Sankaracharya been alive today, he would have pointed out our Gowda to show how an ideal student should look like and act.

Last week, after meeting guys in Jia Sarai, taking tips for preparations from them and buying tonnes of books, we roamed around in Delhi markets and Akshardham temple. Now, I have a tendency to look at girls (rather stare at them) wherever i go, but Gowda, from the time I recall, was never interested in such things. Things change in Delhi.

After the musical fountain show in Akshardham, we bought some food and sat outside and chatted.

"yes, Gowdare, so...what do you feel about the people in delhi?" I asked

"They are all white-white in color, especially the girls" said Gowda

"Not white white gowda, it's fair you know"

"Look there, there's one blackey among them" Gowda pointed to a man coming with a plate

"ya..."

The man came around and sat next to us and started talking in kannada to his wife.

"Shit, this blacky is also a kannadiga" Gowda observed

Later while coming out, Gowda was deep in thought. I guesstimated he is meditating on something important. Suddenly, he said,

"Tiru, I feel one should come to Delhi to marry, you know you have got good girls out here, beautiful girls"

Boy...was that Gowda speaking? I thought Earth would shake and sun would rise from the west. I felt almost like removing all my clothes in winter and run all the way shouting, "Eureka"

I believe that was the compliment of the year for girls of Delhi as it came from Gowda, the man who never speaks about girls.

Tiru

Jia sarai economy

History and Economy of Jia Sarai

Jia sarai is a maze of lanes, small and big. The buildings are haphazardly constructed on irregular sites. Just like that. No planning, no architecture. Each building is around 4 floors high, each floor has many rooms. The size of the room may vary from 6 feet by 8 feet to 12 feet by 10 feet. Few buildings have 1 BHK flats on each floor apart from just rooms. A building owner here comfortably makes anything from Rs. 40000 to Rs 100000 (tax free as they seldom pay tax on rent collected from students). Ground floors are generally reserved for owners or let out as shops. Jia sarai is a hub for students preparing for competitive exams like IAS, NET, JEE, PSUs etc.
Jia sarai was a small village during Mughal times. There are various such sarais around. Families have been living here for generations. The main occupation during those times varied from tilling to cattle farming. The British didn't interfere much with the villages. Till Lutyens came to plan New Delhi. He uprooted various villages in Southern part of Delhi (during those times there was no single identity called south delhi but a scatter of small sarais or villages). Many of them survived as they were outside the planned city. Jia Sarai is one such village. The villages were not considered a part of the capital city and government decided to declare them red tape area (Lal Dora) for revenue collection purposes. That was during British times.
Times changed.
Delhi changed.
South Delhi developed into the richest part of India (per capita income of south delhi is 1.5 lakh, a mind boggling figure by Indian Standards). The sarais in between are still considered Lal Dora areas by Indian Government. The revenue collection method is different. No stringent laws that apply to capital areas apply here. The residents of sarais are considered as villagers (villagers driving Honda city?) No specifications for buildings exist in sarais. One can build to one's fancy. One can open shops anywhere (that explains numerous hole in the wall tea shops in jia sarai). Even the rules of closing time of shops (viz. 11PM) does not hold here (and that's why you see a Pande selling paratas or a Pandit operating his tea stall at 3 am or for that matter Subhash Yadav's 24 hour sify internet parlor).
The owners generally didn't do much except collecting rent and living their humdrum life. Some run the shops in the bylanes. But the major income is from the rents. People who were farmers once now own cars. Good for them, and their children.
Cut to today. The owners are rich. They increase rents to grow more rich, market demand and supply you know. Students pay through their noses just to have the so called 'environment' for studies. As the rents increased, coaching centeres (there are still quite a number of them for various exams) of jia sarai started to look out e.g. Ensemble moved out of jia sarai last year. Jia sarai rooms are now being occuied slowly by working bachelors as they can afford the rents (but they are migratory birds who would fly away the moment they find better place). The number of students today has drastically come down when compared to say four years before. Also the emphasis of UPSC on arts subjects took away the sheen from science subjects thus driving the students north (jia sarai was famous for science optionals in civils and north delhi for arts).
Recently the residents complained about the shops that are open all night. The owners/residents feel that the students are disturbing night's sleep as they talk aloud while taking chai/sutta. The police was called to help, which it did, by putting up a notice to close all shops by 11 PM. Now the shops close at 11PM. Students who do night outs for studies can't have the famous chai/sutta breaks. The rents are also increasing to a level where students are barely able to afford them. There are hardly any mentionable coaching institutes remaining in Jia sarai. If this continues, it would hardly take a year or two before the owners will lose actual sleep as there won't be many students to pay them regular rents. Maybe they prefer this way as atleast they can have a peaceful family lives without these bugging bachelors behaving lewdly in their backyards. Maybe it would be better if working people move in in place of these rowdy students. Atleast they sleep at night and let others sleep.
From student's point of view, there is no reason why a student should stay in jia sarai when he can do the same preparation at other places which welcomes him. The so called environment effect (from chai sutta all time and circle of friends) is wearing down. Atleast the beginning is visible. The crack is there....it only needs time to propagate..unless something changes...


Tiru

Stoned view

We rolled two joints and inhaled. It was warm saturday morning in bangalore. Raghu (the guy who allowed me to stay without asking for rent and also sponsored my meals out of sympathy) and I, slowly relapsed into the blissful state we were in for the the past 3 days. Staring blankly on to the wall, we passed first 20 minutes.

Then Raghu suggested we go out and have something.

We walked, rather floated, to the nearby bakery.

I suggested we eat doodhpedas (milk sweet) or rosogollas (another type of milk sweet). He agreed. As we didn't find it there, we ordered a big 'dilpasand' (a multilayered poori kind of thing with sweet fake cherries stuffed in between, it can be cockroach shit too, one can't really say). We sat near the bakery and munched on the stuff. I would puke at the idea of eating such huge quantities of dilpasand when normal, but it was another state altogether and i didn't mind. Meanwhile we also called one of our friends who goes by the nickname dot C. He told us to wait where we are (taking pity on on states i guess).

We watched the world unwind in front of us. The whole crowd. From the place we sat, we could see the srinivasa nagara bus stand and the people waiting for the bus. A crowd. Some scratching their noses, some their vital organs (maybe to check whether it is still there or fell down somewhere in the crowded bus) and some simply with a blank stupid look. Autos, two wheelers, buses, cars, street vendors, assorted people passing by, everything became an object of interest. The world was in a hurry. And there I was, sitting near a bakery with a friend, stoned, without a worry in world. What is my occupation....waiting for results...and watching porn and masturbating when free. Seeing the people in hurry i loathed myself for wasting my youth and the energy. Shouldn't i be using my energy constructively. A nice girl passed by. We both looked at her. 'Netra chodan' as Jha ji would have terms it. I fantasized. Brain can fantasize in better when stoned. The feeling is almost real. I could feel my hands on her tender breasts, squeezing them while she squealed in ecstacy.  I remembered something and I looked down to see if something leaked. Nothing. It was just imagination. Again I started fantasizing. Continued till i gave her multiple orgasms. She was now screaming. I drifted back to reality. Again fantasized, and back again. All outside a bakery which sells the stupidest dilpasands. 

Boy!! Let me come out this cycle.

Let me speak to Raghu, who is sitting next to me, perhaps he is fantasizing about fucking the aunty standing in the bus stand. "Maga, this whole world looks crazy right?" I mused

"Haudo kano (yes man), everyone looks unnecessarily in a hurry, without reason, they look silly"
Looks like he is not on a fuck trip. 

"After getting stoned, i realize that all this shit is maya and nothing more" I got into his groove and replied

"he he he he, haudo shishya, i too feel the same" He concurred. 

The dilpasands were over, and we both were surprised that it was over. I craved for more but controlled. Too much of it is not good for health. And when you are doped, you never know how much you have eaten. The loathing in me was back.

You scum, wasting your time. Move your arse outta here. Get back to delhi and start studies. Stop your dope. This world is maya. Shit. Waste fellows, running around. Wanna fuck that girl out there. Atleast masturbate on her thoughts....hey what's happening...where is dot c...why hasn't he come yet....shall we wait till evening if he doesn't come....O see that aunty in saree....nice boobs......i think my brain is craving for sex all the time.....let me fantasize....you scum....you might be an officer tomorrow....shame on you that you are thinking of fucking ordinary junta....get back and move your arse.....aaaaaa....eeeeeeee......aaaarrrrrggghhhhh.....

Cell phone rings.

Dot c: "Where are you man"

Raghu: "Illi kano...see here" and waves his hand...

Dotc spots us

He joins us. We walk back to room. Dot C telling some stories, Raghu and I floating with him.

Tiru

UPSC aspirant's sigh

So...what do you do?

Came back day before yesterday. Had been to my hometown. I am out of job for the past one year and one month to be precise. Preparing for the civil services you know. he heh heh.
I dreaded meeting relatives this time. Not because i don't like to look at their poker faces, but because i hate the first question that shoots from their mouth and the feeling that follows.
"So....what are you doing now?". Gee....the most difficult question to answer especially when i know that they know what i am doing...i.e. nothing. The conversation goes something like this (inevitably every time....):
Relative: "So...what do you do?"
"I am preparing for civil services"
Relative: "What is that?"
 "IAS exam you know"
Relative: "So you want to be a collector?"
"Yeah...trying"
Relative: "But i heard you have to bribe to clear the exam?"
(grinning) "No...nothing like that"
Relative: "But what about your job?"
(what the fuck is he bothered about my job??grr...)"I quit it for preparing for this exam"
Relative: "I mean you quit that job for appearing for this exam. You could have left the job after you cleared the exam"
(man..you are touching my private parts)"NO..the exam is very tough and one needs lot of dedication to clear it...so job and preparations can't be done simultaneously"
Rel: "But why does it take more than a year for this exam...so long a procedure or are you failing again and again"
I: (shit...there i have to go again in full detail)"No this exam is of three stages.....blah blah blah (all details of exam)...."
Rel: "So you are in just second stage now"
I: (fucker...what do you know how difficult it is to reach just second stage...try once)"Yeah"
Rel: "But i still don't believe you can get in without bribe...one of my friend was telling that they ask lot of money"
I: (you fell into the trap. I know how to chase you off now)"I believe you might be true..i guess i will fall short of money and all that....would you like to contribute?...few lakhs only you know...and you know i can return it to you once i become collector"
At this point, the relative tries to escape. Somehow. And i let him go.
The cycle repeats. One more relative...similar questions...same answers....i hate the detailing part. I hate answering stupid stuff. The pitiful look they give me when they talk to me (especially lady relatives).....bechara...he has gone insane....left his job for an exam?...how ridiculus....nonsense...people marry and settle in his age...look at him...can't he learn from his cousins who are happily married recently....he won't get girl after few years...anyway who will give him girl when they know he is mad and leaves jobs for his fancy.....lunatic...crazy...wants to become an IAS....we want him to fail....O God please fail him....what our sons and daughters can't do how can this fanatic think of it..and what if he really does it...O Manjunatha...please fail him........and it goes on....I can help if they don't understand about the exam but what about jealous feelings. I have not even cleared my mains. I myself don't know whether i will get through. But my relatives are very sure that i will get through and are already jealous. May God bless them for keeping so much faith in me. I will try to fulfill their wishes.
Laughable. Insane...me? I don't know......them...i don't know.
I am back in Jia sarai. No one asks me now," So...what do you do?"
Here everyone is doing the same thing. Preparing for one or the other exam. It's so comforting.
I don't do anything.

Tiru

Break from UPSC preparations

Whither shifth thou....

I think, therefore, I need a break.

Going home after a year. Looking forward to just relax. Carrying Amartya Sen's "The argumentative Indian" with me. I don't think i will read it. But its nice to carry around. Every IAS aspirant carries a copy. It's a ritual. You carry it because everyone carry it and you don't know what curse might befall you if you don't follow the ritual you know. Better to play safe than sorry. So carry it.
Also I am carrying a copy of huge Bhagvadgita by Jayadeva Goendka. Bought it from Geeta press book stall in a book exhibition in Delhi. I had never seen such a big english Geeta before. That's why i bought it. On an impulse. 

Shifted all my luggage to my new room yesterday and today. The books are the biggest luggage. 7 boxes of books I have. Huge boxes. From books of IAS preparations to work of fiction and contemporary issues. Big book, small book, red book, green book, all types of books. Do you too describe books by colors. I love describing them this way. By colors, it bring alive the child part in me which is now mostly dead I suppose. I was very tired with all the efforts. At jia sarai, someone is always shifting the luggage from some room to some other room. You can hardly miss it. Something like this world. Someone is dying every moment. Someone is taking birth. Shifting goes on. God is the shifter. Big time. He can shift any asshole from any fuckin place to another. He shifted me last year from Pune to Delhi. He wants me to shift to my native place now, just for a month.

So i have to go. 

Have to get up early tomorrow and catch the train. Journey is shit. This time it is AC shit. Brother sent an AC ticket. I generally book II class sleeper. Brother says II class has become very dirty now. I don't know. He says i don't care. I miss hawkers in AC. That's why i like II class sleeper. Suddenly i don't know where am I going. I am just going. Juuuuuussssssssttttttt goinnnnnnnnng.....like thaaaaaaaat only. Floating. The past is forgotten. The future is not known. The present is foggy. I float....just like that. I write. I blog. I read. But the I is giving me trouble now a days. I am trying to run. Run away from I. Who is running away from 'I' did i say? It's I. ha ha ha....i am going mad...he he he....who's going mad...hu hu hu.....it's I or is it me? no it's I only, looking at myself this I........so even after getting mad.....the I persists......grrrrrrrr......

Tiru

Anatomy of an IAS Aspirant

There are more than 3 lakh who apply for this exam. Only top 60 or so become IAS and few more get other allied services. So, what makes one still try for this exam. What is in it that which attracts people from all walks of life. There are engineers, there are doctors, there are PhDs in physics, philosophers, international affairs students etc. to name a few. IAS exam is supposed to be the toughest exam in the world in terms of the depth and breath of knowledge expected from the candiates. Is it just this fact that pulls them?
Nope. It can't be this simple. The best things to do to find out is this: Ask them.
Yes this is exactly what i did. I asked them. Many of them. In fact, whomever i met. So i got some data. Then i am a psychology student. So I also used my psycho brain to further analyze the data. Then i am a green belt in six sigma. So i also used statistics to find out if my conclusions are statistically significant or is it just random variation in the great game of Holy God. Finally, iam a blogger. So thought of inflicting my results on the innocent site called blogger and torture all those who come to read my blogs. (Generally no one reads blogs now a days as everyone is busy writing one!!, still bloggers are true karmayogis and are not bothered whether someone reads or not, they just do karma...ie. blogging) So... here i go.
Ist Class: The social servants:
These guys believe that they are born for social service. To help the people come up in life. They want to work for the society. To create a situation where everyone has opportunities to come up in life. IAS helps them to do so, or so they believe. Therefore they want to get into IAS. There are very few who belong to this class actually, but most behave or act as it they belong to this category.
II Class: The Power cravers:
These people attach great value to the power that comes with the position of an IAS. The red bulb, the security, the salutes, the bunglow, the people saalaming them and so on....This category candidates attach great value to the outward symbols which projects them as powerful. They may or may not be considerate towards needs of the society but they are certainly bothered about whether their car has that light on top or not. How high is the chair inside the office is more important than how comfortable the people under them are. This group is a bit bigger than the first group. These people also have political aspirations later in life. To become a politician or minister. The members of this group are either from families of civil servants or from influential members of society. However, they can be from any group but then they will also have something common with other groups especially with the III Class i discuss below.
III class: The money chasers:
They are behind the money. They believe that there is much to make in the flowing Ganges of corruption and it is foolish to stand aside and watch while others help themselves. So, they remove all their clothes of dignity and honour and are ready to jump naked into the river of corruption once they clear the exam. Unfortunately this is the biggest class though people try to camouflage and not appear to be of this class. However it is also heartening that this class has the highest failure ratio in exam. Something is good about UPSC that it manages to separate them somehow at some stage. I don't know how. Where do these candidates come from? They can be anyone from poor farmer's son who has toiled hard to send his son to delhi for preparations to a rich businessman's son. They have killer instinct when it comes to killing others. It hardly matters if the money that they are planning to make belongs to someone else rightly. They have many anecdotes to support their claims. They tell stories of straight officers who got posted into remote areas because they were not corrupt. They talk about people who got plush postings because they were corrupt. Their contact is contagious and they can turn anyone to believe that corruption is the only way to survive in babudom. Perhaps they are right, or perhaps they are just finding reasons to justify the way they are.
IV Class: The dodos:
I know that a dodo class exists in all exams. what i didn't know was that it exists in this exam too. Dodos are those who come to take the exam because their dying grandfather laid his hand on his son's head and pestered him to vow before goddess saraswati that he would make his son (i.e. his grandson) an IAS officer in typical hindi film style. I had a batchmate in a coaching class who wanted to clear this exam just because it was her mother's wish. God...why doesn't everyone's mother wish the same. Anyway, there are considerable number of people whose father, mother, mama, chacha, tata, tau or anybody in the family inspired...nay...pestered him/her to appear for this exam. Needless to say, the motivational level of this group is a bit low and hence the success ratio.
V Class: The downtrodden:
No, i am not talking about the reserved candidates. They are good enough. The downtrodden here means those who have never tasted success in their life and want to prove to the world once and for all what they are. I had a friend of mine who was suffering from this syndrome. It is actually a psychological problem. People who are less than mediocre and believe that they are failures in life always choose tough goals. Why? So that they can fail and say. See...i told you it is very tough. And see, i am always a failure. this world is not fair. It cheats me all the time. (On the contrary the high need for achievement people choose moderately difficult goals: this is McClelland's theory not mine). So these cribbers are also a part of crowd.
VI Class: The Balanced:
This is a class that intrigues me most. This has good people in it. Talented. Smart. Professionals. They know where they are heading. They are ready to work hard. Put their efforts and their two cents of bet. They know what it takes to crack the exam. They can do it. They are ready to help the society but are also ready to take some money if need be. They are not very much bothered about power but they want it to achieve their goals. They have the highest success ratio. The drawback: They are not ready to challenge wrong practices, if it exists. Maintain the status quo and do what you can inside the system. Apart from this, they appear as the perfect candidates.
hmmm....so that was it. I don't know if some more groups exist.
If yes and if you know, do let me know.


Tiru

UPSC mains over

The exams got over...a year ends....a chapter closes.....

The final bell rang. The invigilator took away my psychology paper II answer sheet. For a moment, I felt empty...yes...empty to the core. My 'mains' exams got over yesterday. I waited for the exams to get over for long time. I didn't know that it feels so empty after that. I have nothing to do now except to wait for results. Had my exams gone bad, I could have started my preparations for next attempt. But now that the exams have gone well, I don't feel like studying. That amplifies my emptiness. I came back to the room. Put on my mp3 player. Dashboard confessional's song comes on:

Hope dangles on a string

Like slow spinning redemption

Winding in and winding out

The shine of which has caught my eye (guess i got that right...)

And roped me in So

mesmerizing, so

hypnotizing I am

captivated I am... Vindicated

yeah...kind of. I wondered why I find meanings in sundry songs only when I am in such moods. I have a train ticket to bangalore on 9th of this month. Don't know for sure if i would go home. I don't know....it's just blank...i need to unwind...that's all i know...

I went out to get some tea. I saw an auto. A guy got down. Two bags...new fellow in jia sarai i guessed. Yeah..it was a year back...exactly on nov 1st last year, i had got down just like that. with two bags and a suitcase. A cycle completes. A year has passed. I am in a time wrap. In fact, jia sarai is a time wrap. whoever comes here, gets into this time wrap and comes out only if he gets selected in the exam or exhausts all his attempts. I have seen people turning 30. I have seen people leaving after failing 4 times. I have seen people getting into services.

Hope....joy...despair...darkness...fear....time...lonliness...emptiness....all shades coexist. Meanwhile i go on....i don't know what to do next....life is melting like the cigarette smoke going up and slowly disappearing. In thin air.

Just like that.

In Jia sarai.

The hustle bustle outside is the same. Just that i have grown a year older. Wise? I don't know. Only the results would tell. Or is it the time?The song continues....

So let me slip away

So let me slip away

So let me slip away

So let me slip,

against the current,

so let me slip away

so let me slip away

so let me slip away

so let me slip awaaaaay

Tiru

Jha ji and moustache

Jha ji and moustacheJha ji is proud of his thick moustache. I don’t have one. I mean I shave it regularly. But that doesn’t mean that Jha Ji can insult me. Last Sunday evening, while having our evening tea he exclaimed:

“mard ki mooch na ho to wo namard hai tiru ji. Look at you tiruji he he he, i mean, you look like a chakka without your mush and with your long hairs he he he just joking tiru ji…don’t mind” 

The tea stopped in my mouth.

Asshole! What does he think? Do I look like a chakka to him?

And yes, I do have long hairs but that never means I have to grow a mush too. But this is not a time to react. Let me think. Surrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr….tch…I made the noise as I gulped the tea. I am a student of psychology and Jha ji takes my word on psychology anytime.

I retorted:
“Jha ji, let me today explain to you the psychology of mush growers. When a child is developing psychologically, it passes through three distinct phases in sex identity. The first is called gender identity. In this phase the child learns that the child is a male/female based on its sex organs and as the society tells it. Once this understanding is formed, the next stage is gender stability. In this stage, the child understands that it will remain a male/female all through its life. That is, the child understand that it is this way as it is. The last and most important stage is called gender consistency. In this stage it understands that irrespective of what the child does, the sex won’t change. Let me elaborate Jha ji. You may observe that children don't enjoy mixing with the other sex during some stage of growth. Like boys will not play with dolls. They will hate going out to play with girls, they would try to show off all male styles. Tell them to wear a skirt and they will take offence. This is because the third stage of understanding has not yet developed. They think that if they do sissy activities they would lose their male sex and will become female. Now, let me come to mush issue. There are some kids in whom the gender consistency development is not proper due to various psychological causes. They get fixated there. So after growing up they tend to show off outward symbols of machismo to defend their fear of sex conversion. This fear is subconscious. The biggest manifestation is through moustache. You see the people who have mush. They will touch and twist their mush again and again. Just checking whether their sex is still the same or not. Its like checking your sex organs again and again to see whether you are still of the same sex. The fear of not having developed gender consistency you know”

I saw Jha ji going pale. He smiled and didn’t say anything. I didn’t see him for next few days. I too am busy with my mains preparations. While coming to the net parlour now, I saw Jha ji. His mush is gone. For once, I have an odd feeling. Without mush, Jha ji indeed looks like a chakka.

(Maaf kijiyega jha ji…but I had to write that line. he he…don’t mind)

Tiru

The sunday massage messages

Massage on Sunday

After a week of hectic studies, i resemble a zombie on move. So, I take a small rest for the first half of Sunday. Just to recharge myself. What do i do? I read newspapers and for a change i get away from the deep and drab ‘The Hindu’ and move to some masala stuffs like Hindustan times or the Times of India.
There is a part of newspaper i am very interested in. No, not the editorials. It’s The classified. And no, not the matrimony part, i know no one would offer me a girl at this stage. I read the section called ‘Health and Physical Fitness’. What better to expect from an ex bodybuilder, huh? Hold on buddy...you have not seen nothing yet...let me explain.

Aug. 20, Hindustan times classified, under the section “Health and Fitness’, the first ad reads:
Silk Route, Top class massage by top class royal model Indian beauty, presentable and very pretty, Indian dream girl masseurs. Something different, some thing extra. Always at your service. Call Jennifer...tel no...(no i won’t mention it you dirty, find it for yourself from the paper)

Now you know why i go to that section so religiously, week after week. I love reading those ads. And yes, if you think that’s a nice massage parlor, think again. Read between the lines. Royal Indian beauty (beauty with a royal moustache?). Dream girl masseurs? What about that something extra? Something different. How different? Always at my service..gee anytime you know. You get the drift.

Ok, the next ad reads similar to the previous one but to emphasize they have added “2 reclaim your life”. that means, if your wife sucks, you can reclaim the lost joy here. The following ad beats it in standard, it clearly says “5 and 7 star only”. that means the masseurs will come (yes those female models) to only 5 or 7 star hotel. I have to be a dodo to believe that they would indeed come with a bottle of oil and will massage me and not read through lines. It appears that only the cops are not reading between those lines.

There are n number of such ads and all with horrible spelling and grammar but one can’t beat this in cryptic value:Unique beauties: Our gorgeous m/wr waiting 4 u, visualise ur perfect companion n u vil find them at 1-2-1-4 u. Call Sumit....tel. no....(mmm..i resist the temptation to call this number and ask the solution to the puzzle)

Ok, so some are bothered with diseases like HIV/AIDS too, so they clearly mention the word “hygienic beauties”. You know what i mean...clean, no diseases.

This one outsmarts others, Apart from other stuff it clearly says ‘Your choice and budget’ and ‘all age group’. i.e. you can choose the person to massage you and quote your price. This is not fair. They should call open tenders. What about age..will they send a golden oldie to massage a nana or sugar daddy.

OK there are also some cryptic styles which i could decipher after reading many classified over a period of time (and yes, every Sunday i visit this column). H/H means home/hotel supply only. M/F, ok i guess you know it very well..male/female. 24x7 means, anytime available. Hi-profile means costly. Male escort means people who service females (yes they really use that word ‘male escort’ in ads, and you know what service)..there are other words too which only professionals know i guess.

The female version of ads run thus:
Male escorts service body massage by young tall handsome kashmiri, Afgani masseurs. Service 24 hrs. H/H service. Call....i wonder if the males are also trafficked as females.
Now, i know it is not legal in India, but still homosexuals are out there. And to that extent, this advertisement space is very inclusive. Check this one:
Dashing male to male body massage by delhi’s best and selected youngesters (sic.) all as per ur choice....And if you are not satisfied check this one out,
Starzone, male 2 male gentle body massage by handsome edu. expert and selected boys.
The usp of this ad over the previous is that the guys are gentle and not dashing each other, they are educated, expert and selected (through competitive exams?). Wish i could witness the selection process.
OK, i can harp on and on about these ads. But i am not in this dingy cyber cafe (best in jia sarai though) to tell about the special massage Indians are getting.
Guys/Girls (yes, girls too should be there as males are also being exploited), let’s get open and clear on this. Either we should openly say that we love sex and legalize prostitution in India. Or else, we should abstain from such things. Why act? Why be a hypocrite? It is illegal in India to do such buisness and we do hear in papers where massage parlors gets busted every other day. Still these people dare to advertise in leading (yes the two papers viz. HT and TOI fought to claim that they are leader in Delhi in terms of circulation last year) newspapers.
And what’s the police doing? They just need to call up the given number, fix up a trap and catch them red handed. What’s the administration doing? I don’t think they are naive enough not to get the message or are they too getting massage from these guys/girls? It’s difficult to believe.
I stongly believe that the guys/girls up there in the ads are actually being exploited either for money or due to circumstances. Trafficked girls from bangladesh, nepal, bihar, all are there. And everyone acts as if nothing is happeneing. It’s happening right here in Delhi, the National Capital Territory. And our dear ‘with you, for you’ police force is turning a blind eye.
And yes, i am no great. I read the ads and enjoy them. Take vicareous pleasure. I am an ordinary reader. Why don’t you join me from next week. All you have to do is to head to your nearest newstand and grab a copy of HT or TOI.

Tiru

Cleared the Prelims

Cleared the Prelims

Yes, the preliminary exam results were announced today.
I entered my roll number 007396 and the message flashed on screen:
Congratulations! your roll no. 007396 figures in the list of successful candidates....
So...what does it mean...for novice, the scheme of civil service exam goes like this:
Stage I : Preliminary exam (in May):

around 200000 students appear for objective type exam(out of more than 300000 who acually fill the form)
Results of preliminary: announced in Aug (aug 10th this time): Around 6000-10000 qualify based on total number of seats available. I am here right now. I am in the qualified list (i.e. in that 6000-10000). This stage separates men from boys. So...UPSC says i am a man....
Stage 2: Mains exam:

The qualified students appear for a 9 paper wide subjective tests spanning over a month from oct to november.
Results of mains arrive in March (the following year). Around 2 times the total requirement is selected for next stage viz. interview. The number expected this time is around 1000 to 1200. Here big shots are separated from men.
Stage 3 : Interview.
Final Result: The final list comes out by first week of May (just before the preliminary of the following year takes place). Here babus are separated from big shots. The selected ones go into babuland....and never come out
So....a long way to go....
it was just the first step....

Wish me luck buddy...see you in babuland....

Tiru

Death of an UPSC aspirant

The death of 'tiru'

There’s something I now realize after writing so many pieces around. Anytime I write, blogpost, an email, or a page in diary, somewhere down under, I know that I am writing for someone to read it. When I write mails, at least I know whom am I writing to. Generally I try to confirm to the idea of ‘tiru’ that that person would have. I try to act in a way, rather write in a way which would perhaps please him/her, the reader. When I write blogs, I have an intended target which generally involves the friends or UPSC aspirants I kind of know. The general public who may read is involved but then I try to write in a way which would confirm to the idea of what I am to people who know and interact with me. The worst part is that even when I am writing a diary, I make sure that things are written in ways which make me look good if someone reads it, someday, sometime. There goes the very idea of maintaining a diary.
I really don’t know if this is the case with all but to be honest, that’s the case with me. I tried to analyze the reason. Writing is a great liberator. Only if one can be true. It can throw out all the subconscious fears and desires. The former condition inhibits it. If one is true enough to write what’s ‘really’ on the mind, I believe the person doesn’t have any hidden feelings or fears. And that’s why such persons may never undertake to write. The one who writes is someone who has something to be thrown out, a point to be proven, a pinky to be thrust up someone’s ass, some crazy idea to be shared, a thesis to be presented, an idea to be communicated or just for fun. I have serious doubts about the people who just write for fun. Fun of what, for whose fun? I too thought I write for fun. But I lately discovered that I am not writing for my own fun but for the praises I may get for writing. That is fun. Generally after writing a piece, I ensure through some means that others know that I have written something for fun. The actual fun is when my friends praise, better still if strangers do. I try to fine tune what I write in future based on the feedback I get. If they like something, I try to continue that style, if they don’t like something; I fine tune my style that generally suits them. Sounds crazy? Or is it familiar? It should be latter if you are not cheating.
Ok, let me elaborate the concept. Why do politicians take on popular causes? How do they arrive at these popular causes? It happens something like this. First the politician takes up some issue at random. If it arises sympathy and emotions among people (which is acknowledged by their cheers or through some other means such as voting behavior), then one continues to advocate for the cause, otherwise one drops and moves on to next idea. So, it’s what the people wish that the politicians utter. If someone thought politicians set the agenda for debate among people, let me clarify, it’s the other way round. If no one talks about ‘India Shining’ today, it is because the public didn’t cheer for it in the elections. Today we talk about ‘bharat nirman’. It may strengthen or kicked out tomorrow. Similar mechanism works in all of us.
There is a subconscious desire in everyone to be praised, the need for self esteem. The ‘ego’ always wants to grow. It can either derive energy from inside, that is from the ‘id’ (if you know, it is the subconscious part of our mind, the natural and innate desires of human, which are generally sexual and biological in nature) or from outside through the ‘ego’ of others. The id is difficult to express owing to the restrictions put up by the society. I may feel like having sex with every other nice female I see on road due to my ‘id’ impulses, but as that would lead to my destruction (no, not due to exhaustion but due to societal restrictions), I would refrain from obeying my ‘id’ feelings. Growing by fulfilling ‘id’ demands is animal, not human. But trust me, if a society allows ‘id’ feelings to manifest in its true form, that society is the most blessed one. The most free of them all. Perhaps, the ancient society of ‘Caligula’ era was close to it, but then did it have societal order? I am not sure. I am not a history student.
So, to satisfy myself, I would agree to live in societal restrictions and obey the rules (superego what they say). I would try to choose the latter way of ego building. Grow with the help of other’s egos. There are various ways to get praises and grow the ego. Some ways are like working one’s ass off in an office and take promotions, studying hard to top an examination, and working out in a gym to get big biceps, acting in a likeable manner to woo females etc. and then there’s writing.
So, that explains why I write the way I write, that explains why politicians do what they do, why you are working you ass off in that office, why you try to appreciate the shitty ideas your boss passes on to you and why one feels happy when others flatter them, even when it is false and one knows it. It is to satisfy the self. To make the ego grow.
Having explained why I write the way I write, let me actually get to the point I am trying to make. It’s about being true. I have been fighting for this for long time. Every time it eludes me. Whenever I am with someone, I try to gel with the other, at the cost of what I feel. To some extent, I can feel that my friends too compromise for me. Maybe, there are one or two of them around who do not actually do that to me, but then I have seen them doing it with others. They may be open with me due to closeness but with others, again the game of scratching begins. I scratch yours, you scratch mine is the motto. We both are feeding each other’s egos. How to get out of it? Can I be free? And yet not lose friends around. Can I be true without turning the relationship sour? Can I tell someone that his thoughts stink if they do. I have tried doing it and the results were unfavorable which made to get into that fine tuning mode and correct myself. Back to square one.
Lately I am staying alone (yes, the above ideas are the result of being alone) in a room with attached bathroom. I am not obliged to help someone’s ego to grow as my interactions are very restricted. For a talkative person like me, it was pure hell initially, my mind made funny noises. I realized that though physically alone, the brain is not allowing me to be alone. That’s when I started questioning the very basics of the activities I do. That’s when I realised that I am living down the image of ‘tiru’ that I have created in the society. That’s when I seriously doubted my goal. Am I really doing it for myself or to live down the image that ‘tiru’ is a person who can reach the goal? If I am just the image that is created by my very own brain, then what’s real me. Does it exist? If yes, how’s the real one to look at. How does it feel to be ‘real’ me?
I see that everyone is living down the image they have projected. The image is reinforced back by others. It’s the same ego scratching principle. If my friend says that he wants to grow rich, I appreciate him and say that he deserves it and he is bound to grow rich if he follows his plan properly. That perhaps boosts his self and he in turn tries harder to live down the image of a person who wants to grow rich. He may become really rich tomorrow and live down the image. But has he really lived ‘HIS’ life? Or was it the life of the image he had projected, the image that wanted to grow rich.
Everyone wants the approval of society. Someone wants to grow rich so that he can live a happy life, someone wants to get a degree, and someone is behind a new job. What is the ultimate motive of all the motions that are going on? Very difficult to analyze others but as far as I go, I now know that if I can really come out the ‘obligations’ of the ‘tiru’ image created by me, I am a free man. I am then, not answerable to anyone, not even to my own self. That’s because my current ‘self’ i.e. ‘tiru’ would be dead. I may then have the real raw ‘tiru-new’ or a 'tiruV2.0' if it exists and if not, I may experience something new. I keep my fingers crossed. Meanwhile, I don’t think I would write, as I see no more motives to write. I have passed the stage where my ‘ego’ needs any approval. I don’t see why I should have goals and chase them. Why should I be rich? I don’t see as to why I should do anything more than what’s required for basic survival. And there are very high chances that I would agree my ‘id’ impulses as and when they arise even at the cost of my destruction. Well, I feel I am on the verge of something very important, really important. And the best part is that I need to explain anything to anyone. I am no longer obliged to do that. It may come to me anytime, today, and tomorrow or fuck, who cares any longer. I am not even bothered. I am dead.

'tiru' IS DEAD........