Stoned view

We rolled two joints and inhaled. It was warm saturday morning in bangalore. Raghu (the guy who allowed me to stay without asking for rent and also sponsored my meals out of sympathy) and I, slowly relapsed into the blissful state we were in for the the past 3 days. Staring blankly on to the wall, we passed first 20 minutes.

Then Raghu suggested we go out and have something.

We walked, rather floated, to the nearby bakery.

I suggested we eat doodhpedas (milk sweet) or rosogollas (another type of milk sweet). He agreed. As we didn't find it there, we ordered a big 'dilpasand' (a multilayered poori kind of thing with sweet fake cherries stuffed in between, it can be cockroach shit too, one can't really say). We sat near the bakery and munched on the stuff. I would puke at the idea of eating such huge quantities of dilpasand when normal, but it was another state altogether and i didn't mind. Meanwhile we also called one of our friends who goes by the nickname dot C. He told us to wait where we are (taking pity on on states i guess).

We watched the world unwind in front of us. The whole crowd. From the place we sat, we could see the srinivasa nagara bus stand and the people waiting for the bus. A crowd. Some scratching their noses, some their vital organs (maybe to check whether it is still there or fell down somewhere in the crowded bus) and some simply with a blank stupid look. Autos, two wheelers, buses, cars, street vendors, assorted people passing by, everything became an object of interest. The world was in a hurry. And there I was, sitting near a bakery with a friend, stoned, without a worry in world. What is my occupation....waiting for results...and watching porn and masturbating when free. Seeing the people in hurry i loathed myself for wasting my youth and the energy. Shouldn't i be using my energy constructively. A nice girl passed by. We both looked at her. 'Netra chodan' as Jha ji would have terms it. I fantasized. Brain can fantasize in better when stoned. The feeling is almost real. I could feel my hands on her tender breasts, squeezing them while she squealed in ecstacy.  I remembered something and I looked down to see if something leaked. Nothing. It was just imagination. Again I started fantasizing. Continued till i gave her multiple orgasms. She was now screaming. I drifted back to reality. Again fantasized, and back again. All outside a bakery which sells the stupidest dilpasands. 

Boy!! Let me come out this cycle.

Let me speak to Raghu, who is sitting next to me, perhaps he is fantasizing about fucking the aunty standing in the bus stand. "Maga, this whole world looks crazy right?" I mused

"Haudo kano (yes man), everyone looks unnecessarily in a hurry, without reason, they look silly"
Looks like he is not on a fuck trip. 

"After getting stoned, i realize that all this shit is maya and nothing more" I got into his groove and replied

"he he he he, haudo shishya, i too feel the same" He concurred. 

The dilpasands were over, and we both were surprised that it was over. I craved for more but controlled. Too much of it is not good for health. And when you are doped, you never know how much you have eaten. The loathing in me was back.

You scum, wasting your time. Move your arse outta here. Get back to delhi and start studies. Stop your dope. This world is maya. Shit. Waste fellows, running around. Wanna fuck that girl out there. Atleast masturbate on her thoughts....hey what's happening...where is dot c...why hasn't he come yet....shall we wait till evening if he doesn't come....O see that aunty in saree....nice boobs......i think my brain is craving for sex all the time.....let me fantasize....you scum....you might be an officer tomorrow....shame on you that you are thinking of fucking ordinary junta....get back and move your arse.....aaaaaa....eeeeeeee......aaaarrrrrggghhhhh.....

Cell phone rings.

Dot c: "Where are you man"

Raghu: "Illi kano...see here" and waves his hand...

Dotc spots us

He joins us. We walk back to room. Dot C telling some stories, Raghu and I floating with him.

Tiru

UPSC aspirant's sigh

So...what do you do?

Came back day before yesterday. Had been to my hometown. I am out of job for the past one year and one month to be precise. Preparing for the civil services you know. he heh heh.
I dreaded meeting relatives this time. Not because i don't like to look at their poker faces, but because i hate the first question that shoots from their mouth and the feeling that follows.
"So....what are you doing now?". Gee....the most difficult question to answer especially when i know that they know what i am doing...i.e. nothing. The conversation goes something like this (inevitably every time....):
Relative: "So...what do you do?"
"I am preparing for civil services"
Relative: "What is that?"
 "IAS exam you know"
Relative: "So you want to be a collector?"
"Yeah...trying"
Relative: "But i heard you have to bribe to clear the exam?"
(grinning) "No...nothing like that"
Relative: "But what about your job?"
(what the fuck is he bothered about my job??grr...)"I quit it for preparing for this exam"
Relative: "I mean you quit that job for appearing for this exam. You could have left the job after you cleared the exam"
(man..you are touching my private parts)"NO..the exam is very tough and one needs lot of dedication to clear it...so job and preparations can't be done simultaneously"
Rel: "But why does it take more than a year for this exam...so long a procedure or are you failing again and again"
I: (shit...there i have to go again in full detail)"No this exam is of three stages.....blah blah blah (all details of exam)...."
Rel: "So you are in just second stage now"
I: (fucker...what do you know how difficult it is to reach just second stage...try once)"Yeah"
Rel: "But i still don't believe you can get in without bribe...one of my friend was telling that they ask lot of money"
I: (you fell into the trap. I know how to chase you off now)"I believe you might be true..i guess i will fall short of money and all that....would you like to contribute?...few lakhs only you know...and you know i can return it to you once i become collector"
At this point, the relative tries to escape. Somehow. And i let him go.
The cycle repeats. One more relative...similar questions...same answers....i hate the detailing part. I hate answering stupid stuff. The pitiful look they give me when they talk to me (especially lady relatives).....bechara...he has gone insane....left his job for an exam?...how ridiculus....nonsense...people marry and settle in his age...look at him...can't he learn from his cousins who are happily married recently....he won't get girl after few years...anyway who will give him girl when they know he is mad and leaves jobs for his fancy.....lunatic...crazy...wants to become an IAS....we want him to fail....O God please fail him....what our sons and daughters can't do how can this fanatic think of it..and what if he really does it...O Manjunatha...please fail him........and it goes on....I can help if they don't understand about the exam but what about jealous feelings. I have not even cleared my mains. I myself don't know whether i will get through. But my relatives are very sure that i will get through and are already jealous. May God bless them for keeping so much faith in me. I will try to fulfill their wishes.
Laughable. Insane...me? I don't know......them...i don't know.
I am back in Jia sarai. No one asks me now," So...what do you do?"
Here everyone is doing the same thing. Preparing for one or the other exam. It's so comforting.
I don't do anything.

Tiru