UPSC aspirant's proverbial cat

You marry and your life moves faster than you can imagine. I am no longer at jia sarai. I am in bangalore. I am jobless too. Like the schrodinger's cat in the box. The only difference is that the cat is a probability function, i.e. it may or may not exist whereas i do. Painfully. I wonder if i too can become a probability. Uncertain existence and all that. In a way i do. In a way, all civil services aspirants exist at a probabilistic level. They are in the probability world. Probably they clear the prelims, probably they appear for mains, probably they clear mains too and probably they appear for interview and by a stroke of mother of all probabilities, they get selected. Till all these probabilities work themselves out, the aspirants are in a probable daze about their future. They don't know what to do or where they stand in the world. Anyway, all that is a huge jumble to be sorted out soemtimes later, probably.

Biwi came a day before my exams got over. In fact, i had my last psychology exam on 1st nov and biwi was in my room on the previous night. She had warned me to finish my syllabus and revision (if it ever gets over) by the time she arrives. I, as usual, was halfway through. Anyway, biwi didn't disturb me as she was busy planning our holidays in himachal and goa and a trip in between to my relatives in punjab. It was a month long fun after the exam.

My exams went well (probably). And i will probably clear. And probably i will appear for interview and PROBABLY I will be selected. Let's see. I already feel like Schrodinger's cat.

Meanwhile, i have decided to continue my career in hydraulics industry where i perform best. It's time i settle down in life after all those experimenting all these years. I want to design products as that gives me a kick. I am currently evaluating where to join.

Anyway, the years spent at Jia sarai will stay with me. Whenever i look back, probably, I will remember the stinking bylanes of the sarai with nostalgia. I spent some best years of my life there, trying to unknot the complex probabilistic functions of life.

Tiru

Rumblings of a disturbed mind

RUMBLINGS OF A DISTURBED MIND

I bought "Marvin"- the cooler to my room. The heat was unbearable and biwi had come during weekend. So, I bought this second hand cooler and named it "Marvin". Marvin spreads cool air in my room when i don't switch on the water pump. Otherwise he makes the room too humid. It's rainy season here and Marvin is a desert cooler. Right now, he is sitting in a corner, waiting for me to switch him on .Yes, Marvin is 'he' and you will see the reason later.

Anyway, biwi liked Marvin. So Marvin is my competitor. What a junk to compete with, for attention. Anyway, Marvin also increases my risk of death from Dengue. Dengue carrying mosquitoes spread in stagnant water, and Marvin has three buckets of water in him, stagnant.

My preparations are going fine. Pali literature is interesting but involves lot of mugging up. Psychology is fine. GS is infinite and never gets over. So i have pushed it to the back of my brain to decrease the dissonance through decreasing the importance of completing GS.

I met Mishraji while coming back from airport after dropping biwi on Sandeep's bike. Mishraji was happy to hear that i am married. A glee spread over his balding head and the mouth smiled like yahoo emoticon, revealing the gutka stained teeth, screaming for better care.
"Mubarak ho tiruji, bahut khusi hua ee sunkar", Mishraji wished while offering me a cup of tea.
I gulped the tea while listening to his ordeals and how he is planning to clear Bihar Provincial Services Exam and while blabbering things, he accompanied me to the room. I miss biwi in the room, especially the day after she leaves. But then, i am here for few more days after which i will be back in bangalore.

I speak to Marvin. He is a good company. He just listens. Never says anything. But then i switch him on and he starts with a roar "grrrr....grrrr....grrrr....grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr......" and so on. I switch on his water pump and he makes sound as if he is peeing into the stagnant water pool. I find that the pipe has displaced from the coir mesh to the water side. I move it to correct location. So he has a pipe to pee. That's why Marvin is 'he' you see.

Tiru

Back to pavilion of UPSC Aspirants

Back to Pavilion

I came to Jia sarai on 11th of this month. For one final attempt. I have taken up a room. Also joined Pali coaching and am struggling with the shabda roopa of Buddha. Anyway, Jia sarai has not changed much. Only that few of my old friends are no longer there (no, they are not dead, they just left this place). Jha Ji for one, I miss.
But i don't miss Jha ji as much as i miss my wife, I mean, the girl who adopted me as her husband, roughly two months ago. I call her my wife. She calls me every now and then. Looks like she too misses me as much as i do (ignore the first comment on this blog). I have decided to drop mech engg as i was getting peanuts for score for the himalayan effort that the subject demanded. Or maybe, i am not talented enough to clear this exam with that subject. But hey, i am not here to prove that i am a good mechie. All i want is to clear this exam. And am trying to take the moderate method. Not easy, not tough too. Just like what the Buddha says after enlightenment. The middle path or the "Majjhima maggo" in pali.
Met Sasi on the way, he looked at me, smiled and said, "So, back to pavilion?". I felt as if i got out in the field of life and have come back. That too, hit wicket.
Sandeep, my ex roomy, now has someone special in his life who shares the house with him. She calls him her husband and he calls her his wife. They are married. She cooks good food.
Gowda, the blog partner on this site, is alive. He is also attending Geography coaching but has forgotten blogging. He says, he doesn't have time for that. So, here i am, typing this out, on a shitty keyboard that doesn't work, like in most jia sarai's cyber cafes' computers, sweating from all pores of my body, trying to explain to myself that this is a noble pastime. Whatever. Will be posting frequently...hopefully

tiru

UPSC aspirant's last sigh

The aspirant's last sigh

I attended my last attempt at preliminary exam yesterday. I never thought I would reach this far, i mean, till the last attempt. I am not very happy, but not very sad too. I am a veteran now. I remember when i used to look up in awe at people who were giving their last attempt. I admired their courage, the smile of knowledge on their face (or was it a smirk, at the irony of the whole thing), and spent time with them, gaping at their lips lest i miss some divine wisdom flowing out of their experienced (or fucked?) brain. Now, I am a veteran. The fouth timer. When i look at the first timers, like the ones who caught me yesterday in the break between optionals and GS, I knew why they have that shine in their eyes while speaking to me. Yes, they were looking at my fucked up face. Lest some wisdom shit oozes out of my lips and slips away and dissolves in the din of the ever vibrating ether. They wanted to catch it and make the most of it in their preparations. Or use it as lubricant to ease into the system of this examination. And I doled out shit for around 15 minutes, till the bell rang for us to get in.
Somehow, time is flying. A girl adopted me as her husband last month. I am married now. And look at the timing, I married and then went for a honeymoon to sikkim, 10 days after failing in previous mains and 25 days before the next preliminary exams. Anyway, all's well that ends well. The exam went well. In fact, in all this halla hoopla, i never realized that i failed badly in last mains. The marks make me cringe, even in my dreams. I got the marks when i was honeymooning and somehow the warmth of love sobered the shock.
Anyway, i am thinking to change my optional from mech engg to something saner. Like Pali or Philosophy. Let's see. Any suggestion in this regard is most welcome.
Yesterday, in the break, among the shit grabbers, there was one boy who asked
"Can you tell me why exactly you failed, or where you think you went wrong, as i think that would help me more than any other thing."
And I replied, "That my boy, is exactly what I am asking myself. All the time."
I have the answer, but i am not sure whether I am right or wrong. Only time will tell.

Tiru

Flunking at UPSC mains

SAD BUT TRUE....OUCH!!!

Tiru

THE CREAM OF THE SCUM

“happy va-lund-tight day”: Jha ji called me from jia sarai and chirped it into the phone.
It was Feb 14. I marveled at Jha Ji’s way of twisting even simpler words into gross sounding stuff.
I told Jha ji to keep the phone and I called back. I am working now and as I knew Jha Ji is still a civil services aspirant, and I know the pinch one feels when one has to call others on the limited monthly budget. I never used to call my friends, they called and now I do what my friends did to me. So I called Jha ji.
‘Thanks and same to you’ I said
‘To aap abhi bhi landoore ke landoore hi bane hue hain tiru ji...koi mili nahi aapko’ Jha Ji added breathlessly.

‘ab ka bataye jha ji, aap to sab jante hain.’ I replied.
‘Anyway, tiruji, I called you to just tell you that I am going home, perhaps forever’
‘why Jha Ji what happened, I think you have one more attempt if I am not wrong’
‘Nahi tiruji, that is not the case, I had lied to you. I have no more attempts left. I had exhausted it last year, I just told it to look good. I have even lied to my parents, but no more. I am ashamed of my own very existence, and I want to go home, and do something’
‘But Jha ji, what would you do. I mean, have you thought of anything?’
‘Not yet tiruji, actually I was trying for jobs, but as you see I am a BSc graduate, and not an engineer like you , and no experience too, so who will give me job? And I have this gap of 7 years after my graduation which I can’t explain’
‘But Jha ji, you always told me that you were in Jia sarai for past 4 years and not 7 years, what’s the matter, what were you doing?’
‘nahi tiruji, I was in Patna for 3 years and then came to Jia Sarai’
‘O I see, anyway Jha ji what’s the plan now’
‘Actually tiruji, No concrete plans. I am planning to do something. I don’t know what. Can you help me? I mean, can you get any job for me?. I can even come to bangalore’
‘what Jhaji, how can i give you a job.' and then the negativity of my own voice hit me. I tried to mellow it down.

'I can try Jhaji, i mean i can forward your resume to my friends and consultants but beyond that, I can’t do much Jhaji, I am afraid. But Bangalore is a big city. If you come, you will find something.’ I felt bad at my own candidness.
‘Ok tiruji, but my resume has nothing except my second class graduation 7 years ago’
‘well, don’t worry just give it to me, let’s see’
‘theek hai tiruji, i will send it through email’
‘by the way jha ji, i would suggest you do some course like dot net or mainframe, i think if you work hard, you can get into something to start with’
‘nahi tiruji, kyon majak kar rahe hain, ab hamari umar kahan rahi kuch naya seekhne ki, humse ee nahi hoga, aap aise hi try kijiye na, to get me some job, anything would do, any salary would do as long as it is more than 10000 per month’
‘well jhaji, i can’t promise much, let me see, forward your resume, let’s see’
‘theek hai tiruji, thanks, i will call you later’
‘ok bye Jhaji, go home for few days, enjoy and then come back, we’ll do something, bye'
‘bye tiruji’

I felt odd for Jhaji. Here he is. Jha ji, who tried for civil services for so many years and never went beyond prelims. The lure of civil services destroyed his career before it began. The takeaway from this exam, as far as my knowledge goes, for Jhaji, was probably nothing. And what disturbs me is that Jhaji is just one such case. There are others, like Jhaji, aspiring to be a civil servant, staying at Jia Sarai, Mukherjee Nagar, Rajinder Nagar, oblivious to the developments in private sector, running behind the chimera called civil services. These places are teeming with Jhajis from all over India. Also what disturbs me is that, it is people like Jhaji, who make the civil services exam, the most prestigious of all exams, they are the ones who swell the number of aspirants to more than 3 lakh every year, it is they who make the coaching business such a profitable racket, at the cost of their career and their family’s resources. If I succeed tomorrow, I will have this eerie feeling, perhpas forever, that there are thousands like Jhajis who have made my success sweeter. Or shall i say…..bitter?

Tiru

In his primary school he was a bright sudent. Through this virtue he established himself as the leader of his bachmates. He moved to another location and to a new shool for his secondary level education. Everything there was new to him. But within a week he was once again leading his peers through the display of his brightness. This gave him a feeling of "Leader-hood" or exhange of respects tilted more towards him.

But soon the situation changed. He was moved to a residential school away from his parents. The school boasted of students of calibre similar to his. In this unfamiliar waters (also for others) he struggled initially but with more instintiveness and politeness he was once again in the list of more equals among equals (a gruop of leaders).

He got carried away by this early and unexpected, unintentional happenings and status. He became complacent and started looking for maintening the reputation. He did mistake in analysing what gave him success and was completely out the track and pack. Hence the result, relegation to equals. He did not realize this until the end of schooling.

The time period between the end of school and joining the graduation was so much that it allowed him to have a lion's look and analyze what went through his life from childhood days. This gave him a new look towards life and made him to soften his style, behaviour and focus towards larger goals of life instead of mere reputation and looking for leading.

Enter the graduation stage. He was resolved to do good for himself and put more dedicaion into whatever he did. He succeeded in most of his goals and this gave him satisfaction. It is suffice to say that he was put at a higher status by everyone during his graduation which he acknowledged with a smile and did not let that to get into his head.

After few years of leading life in a career which would satisfy most of he youngsters like him if given a chance, he was feeling some uneasiness. Althoguh he was highly satisfied with whatever he did, it was not coupled with the same level of happ'y'ness.

He searched for the reason and found it !!! Better late than never.

In the Pursuit of Happ'y'ness he is once again on unfamiliar ground, playing cards with his life in which still he is a novice. The stakes already you know. (look into "A GAME WITH LIFE" - May 23, 2007)

No matter what gender you belong to, take this “Nobody is safe” in this country.
Here is a true story.

Hero (gender – male, looks - gigantic) was on his way to Tirupati. He boarded State Board bus along with his friend. A man of around 35-40 age entered the bus with family. He sat next to Hero and started snoring immediately (or acting). Once the bus started moving one hand of that man moved towards the base of Hero and started scratching it. Hero thought the feeling is becuaser of the vibration of bus. Since there was no opposition the hands tried to move towards the @55 O. Now, Hero realized the intentions of this (dirty) man who was trying to become superman (guess). He rashly pushed out that hand from his base and gave an angry look. Even in that darkness I think that man would have seen Hero’s angry face since he didn’t make any more attempts (or might got afraid of Hero).

Now, think Are You SAFE?

He was at Jia Sarai last year. He recently completed 29 years on this earth without affairs with any girl (he is oriented towards opposite sex). He tried hard to crack CS. He couldn’t succeed one time but got a rank in IES. So, he has given a try once again last year and then went back to home. His parents were very happy to see him after a gap of one and half years. They placed few photos in front of him and asked to select one among them for marriage (obviously girl’s photos). He refused to get married till he settles down properly. The discussion went for around two hours before reaching the epitome.
He (said for the nth time to his mom) – “I will marry after working for 6 months at least”.
(Frustrated) Mom – “Beta, if you have any problems of that nature then better consult a doctor immediately”!!!!!!!!!!!

He was embarrassed.
Your suggestions to Jia Sarai-ites who are in similar situation.

It’s been one week since I landed at Jia Sarai. The transition from working/Bangalorean to Studying/Delhi-ite was smooth as promised by Sandeep with whom I stay at present. I thank him and Er.OP who helped me in finding the room for rent and in purchasing other required items. It’s my second visit to Delhi which is exactly one year after my 1st. The first visit was for only 2 days and the agenda was to take guidance from the co-preparants for Civil Services. The impression that Jia Sarai presented at that time was as a place for Civil Service and IES aspirants. This influenced my decision to become one of its inhabitants. For this, I left my hometown, the job and the regular income attached with that. I felt I would be far away from my dear ones but I was mistaken. The advancement in Science and Technology and the policies have bridged the gap and made this world a global village. Now, I talk to my parents, friends and relatives at cheaper rates because of revolutionary growth seen in telecommunication field. I don’t feel the separation from them.

At Jia Sarai, I heard that the CS crowd is diminishing. Their place is being taken up by the CATs, GATEs and NETs aspirants. When I contacted a person (CSA – Civil Service Aspirant) who was looking for room partner, he was surprised that I am also a CSA. I met few others who have taken Geography as one of their optional. But I am searching for the one who has taken Public Administration for Prelims and has joined a test series. Apart from this everything is fine. I am hoping to have best result this time. By this I declare that my day at Jia Sarai has begun.