Massage on Sunday
After a week of hectic studies, i resemble a zombie on move. So, I take a small rest for the first half of Sunday. Just to recharge myself. What do i do? I read newspapers and for a change i get away from the deep and drab ‘The Hindu’ and move to some masala stuffs like Hindustan times or the Times of India.
There is a part of newspaper i am very interested in. No, not the editorials. It’s The classified. And no, not the matrimony part, i know no one would offer me a girl at this stage. I read the section called ‘Health and Physical Fitness’. What better to expect from an ex bodybuilder, huh? Hold on buddy...you have not seen nothing yet...let me explain.
Aug. 20, Hindustan times classified, under the section “Health and Fitness’, the first ad reads:
Silk Route, Top class massage by top class royal model Indian beauty, presentable and very pretty, Indian dream girl masseurs. Something different, some thing extra. Always at your service. Call Jennifer...tel no...(no i won’t mention it you dirty, find it for yourself from the paper)
Now you know why i go to that section so religiously, week after week. I love reading those ads. And yes, if you think that’s a nice massage parlor, think again. Read between the lines. Royal Indian beauty (beauty with a royal moustache?). Dream girl masseurs? What about that something extra? Something different. How different? Always at my service..gee anytime you know. You get the drift.
Ok, the next ad reads similar to the previous one but to emphasize they have added “2 reclaim your life”. that means, if your wife sucks, you can reclaim the lost joy here. The following ad beats it in standard, it clearly says “5 and 7 star only”. that means the masseurs will come (yes those female models) to only 5 or 7 star hotel. I have to be a dodo to believe that they would indeed come with a bottle of oil and will massage me and not read through lines. It appears that only the cops are not reading between those lines.
There are n number of such ads and all with horrible spelling and grammar but one can’t beat this in cryptic value:Unique beauties: Our gorgeous m/wr waiting 4 u, visualise ur perfect companion n u vil find them at 1-2-1-4 u. Call Sumit....tel. no....(mmm..i resist the temptation to call this number and ask the solution to the puzzle)
Ok, so some are bothered with diseases like HIV/AIDS too, so they clearly mention the word “hygienic beauties”. You know what i mean...clean, no diseases.
This one outsmarts others, Apart from other stuff it clearly says ‘Your choice and budget’ and ‘all age group’. i.e. you can choose the person to massage you and quote your price. This is not fair. They should call open tenders. What about age..will they send a golden oldie to massage a nana or sugar daddy.
OK there are also some cryptic styles which i could decipher after reading many classified over a period of time (and yes, every Sunday i visit this column). H/H means home/hotel supply only. M/F, ok i guess you know it very well..male/female. 24x7 means, anytime available. Hi-profile means costly. Male escort means people who service females (yes they really use that word ‘male escort’ in ads, and you know what service)..there are other words too which only professionals know i guess.
The female version of ads run thus:
Male escorts service body massage by young tall handsome kashmiri, Afgani masseurs. Service 24 hrs. H/H service. Call....i wonder if the males are also trafficked as females.
Now, i know it is not legal in India, but still homosexuals are out there. And to that extent, this advertisement space is very inclusive. Check this one:
Dashing male to male body massage by delhi’s best and selected youngesters (sic.) all as per ur choice....And if you are not satisfied check this one out,
Starzone, male 2 male gentle body massage by handsome edu. expert and selected boys.
The usp of this ad over the previous is that the guys are gentle and not dashing each other, they are educated, expert and selected (through competitive exams?). Wish i could witness the selection process.
OK, i can harp on and on about these ads. But i am not in this dingy cyber cafe (best in jia sarai though) to tell about the special massage Indians are getting.
Guys/Girls (yes, girls too should be there as males are also being exploited), let’s get open and clear on this. Either we should openly say that we love sex and legalize prostitution in India. Or else, we should abstain from such things. Why act? Why be a hypocrite? It is illegal in India to do such buisness and we do hear in papers where massage parlors gets busted every other day. Still these people dare to advertise in leading (yes the two papers viz. HT and TOI fought to claim that they are leader in Delhi in terms of circulation last year) newspapers.
And what’s the police doing? They just need to call up the given number, fix up a trap and catch them red handed. What’s the administration doing? I don’t think they are naive enough not to get the message or are they too getting massage from these guys/girls? It’s difficult to believe.
I stongly believe that the guys/girls up there in the ads are actually being exploited either for money or due to circumstances. Trafficked girls from bangladesh, nepal, bihar, all are there. And everyone acts as if nothing is happeneing. It’s happening right here in Delhi, the National Capital Territory. And our dear ‘with you, for you’ police force is turning a blind eye.
And yes, i am no great. I read the ads and enjoy them. Take vicareous pleasure. I am an ordinary reader. Why don’t you join me from next week. All you have to do is to head to your nearest newstand and grab a copy of HT or TOI.
There is a part of newspaper i am very interested in. No, not the editorials. It’s The classified. And no, not the matrimony part, i know no one would offer me a girl at this stage. I read the section called ‘Health and Physical Fitness’. What better to expect from an ex bodybuilder, huh? Hold on buddy...you have not seen nothing yet...let me explain.
Aug. 20, Hindustan times classified, under the section “Health and Fitness’, the first ad reads:
Silk Route, Top class massage by top class royal model Indian beauty, presentable and very pretty, Indian dream girl masseurs. Something different, some thing extra. Always at your service. Call Jennifer...tel no...(no i won’t mention it you dirty, find it for yourself from the paper)
Now you know why i go to that section so religiously, week after week. I love reading those ads. And yes, if you think that’s a nice massage parlor, think again. Read between the lines. Royal Indian beauty (beauty with a royal moustache?). Dream girl masseurs? What about that something extra? Something different. How different? Always at my service..gee anytime you know. You get the drift.
Ok, the next ad reads similar to the previous one but to emphasize they have added “2 reclaim your life”. that means, if your wife sucks, you can reclaim the lost joy here. The following ad beats it in standard, it clearly says “5 and 7 star only”. that means the masseurs will come (yes those female models) to only 5 or 7 star hotel. I have to be a dodo to believe that they would indeed come with a bottle of oil and will massage me and not read through lines. It appears that only the cops are not reading between those lines.
There are n number of such ads and all with horrible spelling and grammar but one can’t beat this in cryptic value:Unique beauties: Our gorgeous m/wr waiting 4 u, visualise ur perfect companion n u vil find them at 1-2-1-4 u. Call Sumit....tel. no....(mmm..i resist the temptation to call this number and ask the solution to the puzzle)
Ok, so some are bothered with diseases like HIV/AIDS too, so they clearly mention the word “hygienic beauties”. You know what i mean...clean, no diseases.
This one outsmarts others, Apart from other stuff it clearly says ‘Your choice and budget’ and ‘all age group’. i.e. you can choose the person to massage you and quote your price. This is not fair. They should call open tenders. What about age..will they send a golden oldie to massage a nana or sugar daddy.
OK there are also some cryptic styles which i could decipher after reading many classified over a period of time (and yes, every Sunday i visit this column). H/H means home/hotel supply only. M/F, ok i guess you know it very well..male/female. 24x7 means, anytime available. Hi-profile means costly. Male escort means people who service females (yes they really use that word ‘male escort’ in ads, and you know what service)..there are other words too which only professionals know i guess.
The female version of ads run thus:
Male escorts service body massage by young tall handsome kashmiri, Afgani masseurs. Service 24 hrs. H/H service. Call....i wonder if the males are also trafficked as females.
Now, i know it is not legal in India, but still homosexuals are out there. And to that extent, this advertisement space is very inclusive. Check this one:
Dashing male to male body massage by delhi’s best and selected youngesters (sic.) all as per ur choice....And if you are not satisfied check this one out,
Starzone, male 2 male gentle body massage by handsome edu. expert and selected boys.
The usp of this ad over the previous is that the guys are gentle and not dashing each other, they are educated, expert and selected (through competitive exams?). Wish i could witness the selection process.
OK, i can harp on and on about these ads. But i am not in this dingy cyber cafe (best in jia sarai though) to tell about the special massage Indians are getting.
Guys/Girls (yes, girls too should be there as males are also being exploited), let’s get open and clear on this. Either we should openly say that we love sex and legalize prostitution in India. Or else, we should abstain from such things. Why act? Why be a hypocrite? It is illegal in India to do such buisness and we do hear in papers where massage parlors gets busted every other day. Still these people dare to advertise in leading (yes the two papers viz. HT and TOI fought to claim that they are leader in Delhi in terms of circulation last year) newspapers.
And what’s the police doing? They just need to call up the given number, fix up a trap and catch them red handed. What’s the administration doing? I don’t think they are naive enough not to get the message or are they too getting massage from these guys/girls? It’s difficult to believe.
I stongly believe that the guys/girls up there in the ads are actually being exploited either for money or due to circumstances. Trafficked girls from bangladesh, nepal, bihar, all are there. And everyone acts as if nothing is happeneing. It’s happening right here in Delhi, the National Capital Territory. And our dear ‘with you, for you’ police force is turning a blind eye.
And yes, i am no great. I read the ads and enjoy them. Take vicareous pleasure. I am an ordinary reader. Why don’t you join me from next week. All you have to do is to head to your nearest newstand and grab a copy of HT or TOI.
Tiru
