UPSC fighter

The fighter in me

The hunger is back. The heat is on. The last lap of the race has begun. I am running. I have finished my optional subject thoroughly and revising it now. GS is not over, but then, what man can claim a victory over the syllabus of civil services general studies.

My mind reverberates with the dream. My heart beats to that rhythm. I live the dream. I am alive. I realize now that I was dead all these years in corporate world. That was not competition. It was plain ass licking and butt kicking. The fighter in me was hibernating. Now he is up. What a sight to see him in full battle gear.

Trust me to fight till the last breath. I always miss the dark middle ages of the world when fighting was the key to survival. When warriors were worshipped. When hands held swords and arms ruled the world. How I long to be there. How I long to fight without bother for my very existence which may cease after the fight.

I am born at the wrong place, wrong time. In modern times, I should have been born in Afghanistan at least. I would have joined those nomadic fighting troops. The joy of killing. Big time killing. Just for the pure fun of killing. Not for profit, not for money, but for the pure joy of the act.

I am unfortunately in a world where killing is sin. I search outlets for the fighter in me. The competitive exam is a place. Yes, it gives similar fun. The joy of Giant Killing. They say, civil service exam is the toughest of all. They say, engineering subject is not to be taken. They say, you can’t do it in short time. It takes years. They say, you should have it in you. That’s some challenge then.

Now, I say, let’s fight. Let’s see if I can win. Let’s see if the opponent is tougher than I am. Let’s see if I can kill this time. Trust a fighter to fight till the last breath. Trust me to be a honest fighter. This is the test of the fighter in me. The arms are ready, the swords are drawn, and the arrows are tipped. The battle is about to start.

I miss the battle cries. I generate it within. I can generate the cries whenever I close my eyes. Every neuron of the brain shouts aloud to my command. The heartbeat goes up frantically, the nerves stiffen, blood pumps up, the pupils converge and I am in the mid of full fledged battle.

A single minded dedication. Yes, it took months to come to this stage. Took guts to cut off all relationships. One mind. One thought. One fight at a time. I now understand what it means to be a Zen. I would give anything to be in this state for ever. Let the fight begin. I am ready.

Tiru

P.S: Next blog after the first battle of prelims. After may 14th