Newton's law and love
Well….How good was Newton? I mean, how good he was when he proclaimed that law of universal (mind the word universal) gravitation which basically says that between any two bodies in universe, there exists a force of attraction and this attraction is directly proportional to the product of masses and inversely proportional to the square of the distance.
Now, as Newton included the term ‘universal’, and proclaimed the law as ‘Universal law of gravitation’ I guesstimated that it must hold for any ‘body’ anywhere in the universe. Agree? Well, you won’t after you read what happened with me. I applied the same law for attracting girls. Well, being 'universal' it should applicable right?
I found that this law simply doesn’t hold. That’s why I am writing this blog. So, at last, after around four hundred years of formation of this so called greatest law, at least there is one exception found (OK, I don’t know theory of relativity).
I was initially thin (less mass) when at school. I was in love with another frail young girl in my class (still lesser mass). She was never attracted to me (initial condition). I applied Newton’s law now. As I couldn’t do anything with our masses, I thought of decreasing the distance between us. I exchanged my place with another classmate who sat nearer to her. Still, nothing happened. No attraction. Now, only one thing remained. Increase the mass. Well, even without any attraction between, we used to speak to each other as we were in same class. So, I once told her to eat well at home (in fact, I wanted her to remain that way but for the sake of Newton I had to suggest her otherwise). She was mighty wild at me that day and pressed me hard to tell me why I said that to her. I didn’t give the reason for the fear that she might think I am a ‘crack’. She told me to get lost with my crazy idea. I was devastated. Now only one thing remained. Increase my mass. Oops….my heredity has some limitations here. Nevertheless, I joined a gym. Worked out solid and by the time I build some sensible mass on my 6 feet 2 inch tall skeleton, I was out of school and into the college. The girl was long gone defying Newton’s law of gravity with another guy who had a micro layer of skin on skeleton. Nothing in between.
In college too I continued the gym at the cost of all fun in the world. Every evening when others enjoyed their time, I was huffing and puffing in the gym, increasing my mass. It fetched me a gold medal in university level bodybuilding competition and a bronze in power lifting but never a girl. All the time Newton was taking a beating everywhere. I saw guys who couldn’t walk straight and without masses in front or back (their jeans would come down and one could put a bunch of roses in their rear cleavage) hanging out with girls with still lesser masses.
I still had faith in Newton and all those scientists who still vouch by that stupid law. In retrospect, I should have guessed that they had realised that it was a joke or in the Indian case, had arranged marriages.
I came out of college. I had a job now. I gave a last chance to Newton. I tried falling in love with girls having good mass. In office, in parks, restaurants, cinema, wherever I could find any girl with considerable mass, I would look at her (rather stare) with desperate eyes and a prayer for Newton in my heart. I would also go near to decrease the distance. Still it didn’t work.
I know it. This whole world played a joke on me. Saala, that Newton. The biggest joker among all. He should not have used the term universal. He should have used ‘heavenly bodies’ or something like that. He has ruined my life and I don’t know what to do with the mass I have grown. I look like hulk now.
So bhailog, if you fellas think Newton’s law still holds, better get up. Better late than never. Get out of that slumber and understand the truth. NEWTON’S UNIVERSAL LAW OF GRAVITATION SUCKS when applied to non heavenly bodies.
Hold on, I just saw a girl with some mass moving into this cyber café. Let me try my luck. I am going closer to her. Will keep you posted.
Now, as Newton included the term ‘universal’, and proclaimed the law as ‘Universal law of gravitation’ I guesstimated that it must hold for any ‘body’ anywhere in the universe. Agree? Well, you won’t after you read what happened with me. I applied the same law for attracting girls. Well, being 'universal' it should applicable right?
I found that this law simply doesn’t hold. That’s why I am writing this blog. So, at last, after around four hundred years of formation of this so called greatest law, at least there is one exception found (OK, I don’t know theory of relativity).
I was initially thin (less mass) when at school. I was in love with another frail young girl in my class (still lesser mass). She was never attracted to me (initial condition). I applied Newton’s law now. As I couldn’t do anything with our masses, I thought of decreasing the distance between us. I exchanged my place with another classmate who sat nearer to her. Still, nothing happened. No attraction. Now, only one thing remained. Increase the mass. Well, even without any attraction between, we used to speak to each other as we were in same class. So, I once told her to eat well at home (in fact, I wanted her to remain that way but for the sake of Newton I had to suggest her otherwise). She was mighty wild at me that day and pressed me hard to tell me why I said that to her. I didn’t give the reason for the fear that she might think I am a ‘crack’. She told me to get lost with my crazy idea. I was devastated. Now only one thing remained. Increase my mass. Oops….my heredity has some limitations here. Nevertheless, I joined a gym. Worked out solid and by the time I build some sensible mass on my 6 feet 2 inch tall skeleton, I was out of school and into the college. The girl was long gone defying Newton’s law of gravity with another guy who had a micro layer of skin on skeleton. Nothing in between.
In college too I continued the gym at the cost of all fun in the world. Every evening when others enjoyed their time, I was huffing and puffing in the gym, increasing my mass. It fetched me a gold medal in university level bodybuilding competition and a bronze in power lifting but never a girl. All the time Newton was taking a beating everywhere. I saw guys who couldn’t walk straight and without masses in front or back (their jeans would come down and one could put a bunch of roses in their rear cleavage) hanging out with girls with still lesser masses.
I still had faith in Newton and all those scientists who still vouch by that stupid law. In retrospect, I should have guessed that they had realised that it was a joke or in the Indian case, had arranged marriages.
I came out of college. I had a job now. I gave a last chance to Newton. I tried falling in love with girls having good mass. In office, in parks, restaurants, cinema, wherever I could find any girl with considerable mass, I would look at her (rather stare) with desperate eyes and a prayer for Newton in my heart. I would also go near to decrease the distance. Still it didn’t work.
I know it. This whole world played a joke on me. Saala, that Newton. The biggest joker among all. He should not have used the term universal. He should have used ‘heavenly bodies’ or something like that. He has ruined my life and I don’t know what to do with the mass I have grown. I look like hulk now.
So bhailog, if you fellas think Newton’s law still holds, better get up. Better late than never. Get out of that slumber and understand the truth. NEWTON’S UNIVERSAL LAW OF GRAVITATION SUCKS when applied to non heavenly bodies.
Hold on, I just saw a girl with some mass moving into this cyber café. Let me try my luck. I am going closer to her. Will keep you posted.
Bye
Tiru - the Victim of Newton.
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