My marks: Total 1173

Tiru

The song continues...

I was in Jia sarai for the interview. I stayed with Rahgu and Ravi. Ravi is working with an upcoming internet site in the field of marketing. He sells a site called parikshaguru.com to the coaching institutes. He asks them to advertise on the site. With a name like that, I, for once, wouldn't if i ran a coaching institute. 

Raghu, an ex IBM employee is now preparing for civil services. He quit his job and came here. 

Ravi and Raghu smoke like chimneys. Sitting in their room, my nicotine level automatically increased to their levels as they smoked inside. I didn't mind. I smoked once and had now given up. 

Ravi is the leanest person i have ever seen. Bare bones and skin, no muscles. In the morning, he was flexing himself. As ravi is from Koraput in orissa, I took a dig that he is a living proof of the poverty level in his district. He countered saying that he is a karate expert. I bought it. Being lean is something many youth don't like (get some body yaar) but come to cherish it during their middle ages (and run marathon running age) Anyway, there was no reason to disbelieve. 

 I walked around Jia Sarai. I met some old faces. The shops were the same. The faces too. Just that somehow i was finding it difficult to relate myself to all that. It was difficult for me to believe that i stayed in this hellhole for so long. The stinking latrine in the building almost made me puke and the bath was not different. When i was here, i never cared. 

The filth on the lanes is the same. It doesn't matter to anyone. It didn't to me once upon a time. 

Ravi got me a bottle of baba ramdev brand hair oil and shampoo in the evening. He told me that it would help to arrest hairfall. Well, neat way to say that i am losing hair. We boozed the night after interview. Boozed a lot. Mishra ji joined us. With his stories of his friends who had succeeded in the previous years. Only that those friends do not recognize him any longer. 

Many of my friends who prepared with me have left the place. Some made it, most didn't. None died in the process though.

The song continues, the dark bylanes sing the blues. Of failures, of successes, of the hunt, of the hunters, of those who dreamt, those who aspired and those who still stay there. With the fire in their hearts, to warm those winter nights when chai suttas alone can't keep one warm. To urge one to go on with their preparations. To never give up. I was once there. Living my dream. 

My Last Civil Services (UPSC) interview

I was in Delhi a day before the interview. Jia sarai had not changed physically but the number of students preparing for civil services exam had considerably come down. 

I got Mr. K K Paul's board in the interview. The interview didn't go well. The chairman started by telling me that i have lost age advantage and went on to ask questions about evolution and history of civil services in India, a dark area in my knowledge base. It was like they were asking a fish to climb a tree. Perhaps that's what I have been trying to do all these years...being a fish...trying to climb a tree...Anyway, here are the questions I was asked this time:

Chairman: You passed out from college in 2002, this is 2009, what were you doing after that.

- I recounted my experience from wipro, infosys and eaton after college and told that I am working currently in aerospace industry in the field of actuation and control systems as a senior engineer with a leading aerospace organization.

Chairman: What is your nature of work?

- I explained

Chairman: You have already crossed the age limit for civil services and I don't think you will grow to the highest level of civil services with the remaining number of years of service. Why then should you come into the services?

- I gave an elaborate explanation

Chairman: Ok, then tell me about the evolution of civil services in India.

 - I somehow tackled it. But I was very poor with facts here

Chairman: You don't seem to know much about history. Do you atlest know something about Bhagat Singh? 

Chairman: Tell me why Bhagat Singh was arrested? Where? 

Chairman: What is the difference between UPSC and other commissions like Human rights commission, competition commission etc?

 - I answered these questions but not to the satisfaction level of the chairman (I might have read him wrong....hope so)

Then chairman gave it over to other members

Member 1: Why did you take Pali as an optional?

Member 1: Can Pali be used to understand Indus valley civilization? How does it help?

Member 1: Do you blog? (my hobby). What do you blog?

Member 1: What is 2x, 3x, 5x in pyschology? (I didn't know this)

Member 2: Do you read MS Swaminathan's articles? What does he say about the level of food consumption coming down an all that. By what value it has come down in last decade as per his view?(I didn't know). 

Member 2: What is the population density of India?

Member 2: How would you compare the density of India with China? Which is higher and by how much?

Member 2: What do you know about Biofuels? Do you think it will solve the fuel problem in India? What is your opinion on it?

Member2: Did Buddha believe in God? Did Buddha think that God is required to attain Nirvana?

Member 3: If Pali is interesting as you said, then so is maths? Why didn't you then take mathematics?

Member 3: When did the Fort williams college operate in India? For how long?

Member 3: How do you ensure that the facts that you read are authentic? (he asked me this as one of my answers was wrong and upon asking where did i read it, I told him that i don't remember but it must be in one of the books)

Member 3: If a student is doing a project in which he has to refer internet, what suggestion would you give in order to ensure that he uses only authentic material?

Member 4: What is G20? Is India a member or an invitee? Why are they meeting this week and where?

Chairman: Your interview is over now. You can leave. 

I got up and wishes all the board members a nice day. Only one board member replied by saying that you too have a nice day. Other looked down or sideways. I was happy that it was all over. I can start my life now. 

Tiru

Got jobs after UPSC preparations

When it rains, it pours. That's what is happening to me. I got more than one job offer and finally joined an organization in the field of aerospace actuation systems (so clever of me, I skipped the name!).

Then the doctor told that we might expect the baby to arrive on 1st of april. The kid must be like me, looking at the expected arrival date. 

Then UPSC declared the mains results. I qualified. 

And then I got the letter from UPSC. My interview is scheduled on 30th of March, followed by a medical test on the following day. Now, that means a lot of things. It might so happen that I am out there attending the interview and the medical test while biwi delivers the baby. I want the interview to be over before the baby comes. I am afraid the baby might come out and say
"What pa, you still writing exams!!"

But that's not the major worry. The probability that i might have to stay away from biwi during the most important moment of our lives seems high and that makes me worry. It's pure 'emosanal atyachar'. 

Anyway, lot of probabilities playing in my life. I caught sinus yesterday. In fact, i thought i had caught cold and when the doctor called out 'SINUS', I was afraid. I had heard that word from many and i always thought that sinus problem is only for unhealthy sickos who don't exercise. Biwi was very happy. She had predicted that I had sinus and her prediction had come true. She was happy for the prediction. She did a little jig outside the doctor's room and said
"Dekha, I told you that you had sinus". She didn't know how hard i had to suffer to make her happy about her prediction.
Incidentally, the doctor too mentioned the same medicines that biwi had prescribed. That boosted biwi's confidence
"I could have been a doctor", she muttered to herself. 

Anyway, with my busy schedule at office, I don't have any time to prepare for interview. I now believe that "You cannot prepare for a personality test, it's just a measure of what you are, and you are not built in a day or week"

That thought is so soothing. 

I am on leave today from office. So thought of taking out some relevant stuff and read. And then i thought i should blog. I have mentioned it under the hobby/interest list in the mains application form. And that's how this blog popped into the world. Rather in this season i must say, I 'delivered' the blog. 

UPSC aspirant's proverbial cat

You marry and your life moves faster than you can imagine. I am no longer at jia sarai. I am in bangalore. I am jobless too. Like the schrodinger's cat in the box. The only difference is that the cat is a probability function, i.e. it may or may not exist whereas i do. Painfully. I wonder if i too can become a probability. Uncertain existence and all that. In a way i do. In a way, all civil services aspirants exist at a probabilistic level. They are in the probability world. Probably they clear the prelims, probably they appear for mains, probably they clear mains too and probably they appear for interview and by a stroke of mother of all probabilities, they get selected. Till all these probabilities work themselves out, the aspirants are in a probable daze about their future. They don't know what to do or where they stand in the world. Anyway, all that is a huge jumble to be sorted out soemtimes later, probably.

Biwi came a day before my exams got over. In fact, i had my last psychology exam on 1st nov and biwi was in my room on the previous night. She had warned me to finish my syllabus and revision (if it ever gets over) by the time she arrives. I, as usual, was halfway through. Anyway, biwi didn't disturb me as she was busy planning our holidays in himachal and goa and a trip in between to my relatives in punjab. It was a month long fun after the exam.

My exams went well (probably). And i will probably clear. And probably i will appear for interview and PROBABLY I will be selected. Let's see. I already feel like Schrodinger's cat.

Meanwhile, i have decided to continue my career in hydraulics industry where i perform best. It's time i settle down in life after all those experimenting all these years. I want to design products as that gives me a kick. I am currently evaluating where to join.

Anyway, the years spent at Jia sarai will stay with me. Whenever i look back, probably, I will remember the stinking bylanes of the sarai with nostalgia. I spent some best years of my life there, trying to unknot the complex probabilistic functions of life.

Tiru

Rumblings of a disturbed mind

RUMBLINGS OF A DISTURBED MIND

I bought "Marvin"- the cooler to my room. The heat was unbearable and biwi had come during weekend. So, I bought this second hand cooler and named it "Marvin". Marvin spreads cool air in my room when i don't switch on the water pump. Otherwise he makes the room too humid. It's rainy season here and Marvin is a desert cooler. Right now, he is sitting in a corner, waiting for me to switch him on .Yes, Marvin is 'he' and you will see the reason later.

Anyway, biwi liked Marvin. So Marvin is my competitor. What a junk to compete with, for attention. Anyway, Marvin also increases my risk of death from Dengue. Dengue carrying mosquitoes spread in stagnant water, and Marvin has three buckets of water in him, stagnant.

My preparations are going fine. Pali literature is interesting but involves lot of mugging up. Psychology is fine. GS is infinite and never gets over. So i have pushed it to the back of my brain to decrease the dissonance through decreasing the importance of completing GS.

I met Mishraji while coming back from airport after dropping biwi on Sandeep's bike. Mishraji was happy to hear that i am married. A glee spread over his balding head and the mouth smiled like yahoo emoticon, revealing the gutka stained teeth, screaming for better care.
"Mubarak ho tiruji, bahut khusi hua ee sunkar", Mishraji wished while offering me a cup of tea.
I gulped the tea while listening to his ordeals and how he is planning to clear Bihar Provincial Services Exam and while blabbering things, he accompanied me to the room. I miss biwi in the room, especially the day after she leaves. But then, i am here for few more days after which i will be back in bangalore.

I speak to Marvin. He is a good company. He just listens. Never says anything. But then i switch him on and he starts with a roar "grrrr....grrrr....grrrr....grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr......" and so on. I switch on his water pump and he makes sound as if he is peeing into the stagnant water pool. I find that the pipe has displaced from the coir mesh to the water side. I move it to correct location. So he has a pipe to pee. That's why Marvin is 'he' you see.

Tiru

Back to pavilion of UPSC Aspirants

Back to Pavilion

I came to Jia sarai on 11th of this month. For one final attempt. I have taken up a room. Also joined Pali coaching and am struggling with the shabda roopa of Buddha. Anyway, Jia sarai has not changed much. Only that few of my old friends are no longer there (no, they are not dead, they just left this place). Jha Ji for one, I miss.
But i don't miss Jha ji as much as i miss my wife, I mean, the girl who adopted me as her husband, roughly two months ago. I call her my wife. She calls me every now and then. Looks like she too misses me as much as i do (ignore the first comment on this blog). I have decided to drop mech engg as i was getting peanuts for score for the himalayan effort that the subject demanded. Or maybe, i am not talented enough to clear this exam with that subject. But hey, i am not here to prove that i am a good mechie. All i want is to clear this exam. And am trying to take the moderate method. Not easy, not tough too. Just like what the Buddha says after enlightenment. The middle path or the "Majjhima maggo" in pali.
Met Sasi on the way, he looked at me, smiled and said, "So, back to pavilion?". I felt as if i got out in the field of life and have come back. That too, hit wicket.
Sandeep, my ex roomy, now has someone special in his life who shares the house with him. She calls him her husband and he calls her his wife. They are married. She cooks good food.
Gowda, the blog partner on this site, is alive. He is also attending Geography coaching but has forgotten blogging. He says, he doesn't have time for that. So, here i am, typing this out, on a shitty keyboard that doesn't work, like in most jia sarai's cyber cafes' computers, sweating from all pores of my body, trying to explain to myself that this is a noble pastime. Whatever. Will be posting frequently...hopefully

tiru

UPSC aspirant's last sigh

The aspirant's last sigh

I attended my last attempt at preliminary exam yesterday. I never thought I would reach this far, i mean, till the last attempt. I am not very happy, but not very sad too. I am a veteran now. I remember when i used to look up in awe at people who were giving their last attempt. I admired their courage, the smile of knowledge on their face (or was it a smirk, at the irony of the whole thing), and spent time with them, gaping at their lips lest i miss some divine wisdom flowing out of their experienced (or fucked?) brain. Now, I am a veteran. The fouth timer. When i look at the first timers, like the ones who caught me yesterday in the break between optionals and GS, I knew why they have that shine in their eyes while speaking to me. Yes, they were looking at my fucked up face. Lest some wisdom shit oozes out of my lips and slips away and dissolves in the din of the ever vibrating ether. They wanted to catch it and make the most of it in their preparations. Or use it as lubricant to ease into the system of this examination. And I doled out shit for around 15 minutes, till the bell rang for us to get in.
Somehow, time is flying. A girl adopted me as her husband last month. I am married now. And look at the timing, I married and then went for a honeymoon to sikkim, 10 days after failing in previous mains and 25 days before the next preliminary exams. Anyway, all's well that ends well. The exam went well. In fact, in all this halla hoopla, i never realized that i failed badly in last mains. The marks make me cringe, even in my dreams. I got the marks when i was honeymooning and somehow the warmth of love sobered the shock.
Anyway, i am thinking to change my optional from mech engg to something saner. Like Pali or Philosophy. Let's see. Any suggestion in this regard is most welcome.
Yesterday, in the break, among the shit grabbers, there was one boy who asked
"Can you tell me why exactly you failed, or where you think you went wrong, as i think that would help me more than any other thing."
And I replied, "That my boy, is exactly what I am asking myself. All the time."
I have the answer, but i am not sure whether I am right or wrong. Only time will tell.

Tiru

Flunking at UPSC mains

SAD BUT TRUE....OUCH!!!

Tiru

THE CREAM OF THE SCUM

“happy va-lund-tight day”: Jha ji called me from jia sarai and chirped it into the phone.
It was Feb 14. I marveled at Jha Ji’s way of twisting even simpler words into gross sounding stuff.
I told Jha ji to keep the phone and I called back. I am working now and as I knew Jha Ji is still a civil services aspirant, and I know the pinch one feels when one has to call others on the limited monthly budget. I never used to call my friends, they called and now I do what my friends did to me. So I called Jha ji.
‘Thanks and same to you’ I said
‘To aap abhi bhi landoore ke landoore hi bane hue hain tiru ji...koi mili nahi aapko’ Jha Ji added breathlessly.

‘ab ka bataye jha ji, aap to sab jante hain.’ I replied.
‘Anyway, tiruji, I called you to just tell you that I am going home, perhaps forever’
‘why Jha Ji what happened, I think you have one more attempt if I am not wrong’
‘Nahi tiruji, that is not the case, I had lied to you. I have no more attempts left. I had exhausted it last year, I just told it to look good. I have even lied to my parents, but no more. I am ashamed of my own very existence, and I want to go home, and do something’
‘But Jha ji, what would you do. I mean, have you thought of anything?’
‘Not yet tiruji, actually I was trying for jobs, but as you see I am a BSc graduate, and not an engineer like you , and no experience too, so who will give me job? And I have this gap of 7 years after my graduation which I can’t explain’
‘But Jha ji, you always told me that you were in Jia sarai for past 4 years and not 7 years, what’s the matter, what were you doing?’
‘nahi tiruji, I was in Patna for 3 years and then came to Jia Sarai’
‘O I see, anyway Jha ji what’s the plan now’
‘Actually tiruji, No concrete plans. I am planning to do something. I don’t know what. Can you help me? I mean, can you get any job for me?. I can even come to bangalore’
‘what Jhaji, how can i give you a job.' and then the negativity of my own voice hit me. I tried to mellow it down.

'I can try Jhaji, i mean i can forward your resume to my friends and consultants but beyond that, I can’t do much Jhaji, I am afraid. But Bangalore is a big city. If you come, you will find something.’ I felt bad at my own candidness.
‘Ok tiruji, but my resume has nothing except my second class graduation 7 years ago’
‘well, don’t worry just give it to me, let’s see’
‘theek hai tiruji, i will send it through email’
‘by the way jha ji, i would suggest you do some course like dot net or mainframe, i think if you work hard, you can get into something to start with’
‘nahi tiruji, kyon majak kar rahe hain, ab hamari umar kahan rahi kuch naya seekhne ki, humse ee nahi hoga, aap aise hi try kijiye na, to get me some job, anything would do, any salary would do as long as it is more than 10000 per month’
‘well jhaji, i can’t promise much, let me see, forward your resume, let’s see’
‘theek hai tiruji, thanks, i will call you later’
‘ok bye Jhaji, go home for few days, enjoy and then come back, we’ll do something, bye'
‘bye tiruji’

I felt odd for Jhaji. Here he is. Jha ji, who tried for civil services for so many years and never went beyond prelims. The lure of civil services destroyed his career before it began. The takeaway from this exam, as far as my knowledge goes, for Jhaji, was probably nothing. And what disturbs me is that Jhaji is just one such case. There are others, like Jhaji, aspiring to be a civil servant, staying at Jia Sarai, Mukherjee Nagar, Rajinder Nagar, oblivious to the developments in private sector, running behind the chimera called civil services. These places are teeming with Jhajis from all over India. Also what disturbs me is that, it is people like Jhaji, who make the civil services exam, the most prestigious of all exams, they are the ones who swell the number of aspirants to more than 3 lakh every year, it is they who make the coaching business such a profitable racket, at the cost of their career and their family’s resources. If I succeed tomorrow, I will have this eerie feeling, perhpas forever, that there are thousands like Jhajis who have made my success sweeter. Or shall i say…..bitter?

Tiru

In his primary school he was a bright sudent. Through this virtue he established himself as the leader of his bachmates. He moved to another location and to a new shool for his secondary level education. Everything there was new to him. But within a week he was once again leading his peers through the display of his brightness. This gave him a feeling of "Leader-hood" or exhange of respects tilted more towards him.

But soon the situation changed. He was moved to a residential school away from his parents. The school boasted of students of calibre similar to his. In this unfamiliar waters (also for others) he struggled initially but with more instintiveness and politeness he was once again in the list of more equals among equals (a gruop of leaders).

He got carried away by this early and unexpected, unintentional happenings and status. He became complacent and started looking for maintening the reputation. He did mistake in analysing what gave him success and was completely out the track and pack. Hence the result, relegation to equals. He did not realize this until the end of schooling.

The time period between the end of school and joining the graduation was so much that it allowed him to have a lion's look and analyze what went through his life from childhood days. This gave him a new look towards life and made him to soften his style, behaviour and focus towards larger goals of life instead of mere reputation and looking for leading.

Enter the graduation stage. He was resolved to do good for himself and put more dedicaion into whatever he did. He succeeded in most of his goals and this gave him satisfaction. It is suffice to say that he was put at a higher status by everyone during his graduation which he acknowledged with a smile and did not let that to get into his head.

After few years of leading life in a career which would satisfy most of he youngsters like him if given a chance, he was feeling some uneasiness. Althoguh he was highly satisfied with whatever he did, it was not coupled with the same level of happ'y'ness.

He searched for the reason and found it !!! Better late than never.

In the Pursuit of Happ'y'ness he is once again on unfamiliar ground, playing cards with his life in which still he is a novice. The stakes already you know. (look into "A GAME WITH LIFE" - May 23, 2007)

No matter what gender you belong to, take this “Nobody is safe” in this country.
Here is a true story.

Hero (gender – male, looks - gigantic) was on his way to Tirupati. He boarded State Board bus along with his friend. A man of around 35-40 age entered the bus with family. He sat next to Hero and started snoring immediately (or acting). Once the bus started moving one hand of that man moved towards the base of Hero and started scratching it. Hero thought the feeling is becuaser of the vibration of bus. Since there was no opposition the hands tried to move towards the @55 O. Now, Hero realized the intentions of this (dirty) man who was trying to become superman (guess). He rashly pushed out that hand from his base and gave an angry look. Even in that darkness I think that man would have seen Hero’s angry face since he didn’t make any more attempts (or might got afraid of Hero).

Now, think Are You SAFE?

He was at Jia Sarai last year. He recently completed 29 years on this earth without affairs with any girl (he is oriented towards opposite sex). He tried hard to crack CS. He couldn’t succeed one time but got a rank in IES. So, he has given a try once again last year and then went back to home. His parents were very happy to see him after a gap of one and half years. They placed few photos in front of him and asked to select one among them for marriage (obviously girl’s photos). He refused to get married till he settles down properly. The discussion went for around two hours before reaching the epitome.
He (said for the nth time to his mom) – “I will marry after working for 6 months at least”.
(Frustrated) Mom – “Beta, if you have any problems of that nature then better consult a doctor immediately”!!!!!!!!!!!

He was embarrassed.
Your suggestions to Jia Sarai-ites who are in similar situation.

It’s been one week since I landed at Jia Sarai. The transition from working/Bangalorean to Studying/Delhi-ite was smooth as promised by Sandeep with whom I stay at present. I thank him and Er.OP who helped me in finding the room for rent and in purchasing other required items. It’s my second visit to Delhi which is exactly one year after my 1st. The first visit was for only 2 days and the agenda was to take guidance from the co-preparants for Civil Services. The impression that Jia Sarai presented at that time was as a place for Civil Service and IES aspirants. This influenced my decision to become one of its inhabitants. For this, I left my hometown, the job and the regular income attached with that. I felt I would be far away from my dear ones but I was mistaken. The advancement in Science and Technology and the policies have bridged the gap and made this world a global village. Now, I talk to my parents, friends and relatives at cheaper rates because of revolutionary growth seen in telecommunication field. I don’t feel the separation from them.

At Jia Sarai, I heard that the CS crowd is diminishing. Their place is being taken up by the CATs, GATEs and NETs aspirants. When I contacted a person (CSA – Civil Service Aspirant) who was looking for room partner, he was surprised that I am also a CSA. I met few others who have taken Geography as one of their optional. But I am searching for the one who has taken Public Administration for Prelims and has joined a test series. Apart from this everything is fine. I am hoping to have best result this time. By this I declare that my day at Jia Sarai has begun.

UPSC aspirant's stories - moving the baton

Tiru is off. Gowda is on. Yes, the blog control has been passed on to my friend Mr. Somashekhara Gowda (Som or Gowda for short). He is coming to Jia Sarai next month. He will stay there and prepare for civil services. With more than 5.5 years of work expeirence in corporate world and with his global experiences, he is in a better position to comment on things that matter. And yes, he was in part cajoled by me to stay at jia sarai. But it's his own decision to jump into the world of civil service aspirants.

About me? Well, i have written the mains again. All subjects, except mechanical, have shown considerable improvement. I think the mech. paper, esp. paper II was tough, but again, one can never say. So, keeping my fingers crossed.

Meanwhile i have run out of money and all that. So, literally a pauper, a parasite on family resources, here I am in bangalore, now preparing my resume afresh for jobs. Hope lady luck smiles at me. Any rich lady?? er....I won't even mind if some rich pop singer decides to adopt me (Are you listening Madonna?). Jokes apart, It is tough to look at others to provide for my food. I am really grateful to my friends and family members who silently suffered me these two years. Hope i don't dash it this time.

Thanks for those unknown friends too who commented on this blog site and kept my tempo up. I made quite some new contacts through my blogs. With this, I pass on to Mr. Gowda. Gowdare, please keep the site running.

And yes, if anyone else wants to author on this blogsite, do let us know. We would be happy to include them in the authors list. But you must be staying/have stayed in Jia Sarai/Rajinder nagar/Mukherjee Nagar or any other hellholes in India and should be preparing/have prepared for civil services exam.

Tiru

Moving out of Jia Sarai

The last blog

My stay at Jia Sarai has come to an end. I am now moving to bangalore. Have decided to appear for the mains this time from bangalore. This place has taught me a lot of things. The places do not have emotions they say. It's the bonding created by one's thought process that gives attachment to places. I was hooked to this place in my short stay of one and a half years. I made new friends, i saw joys of success, i have seen the despair of repeated failures. I have seen the demographic change of jia sarai popoulation from predominantly IAS aspirants to assorted crowd that now resides here.

I was enjoying one of my last chai suttas out here on the penultimate day of leaving. I saw an autorickshaw chug along the small lanes. A boy got down with his luggage. He had the shine in his eyes. The dreams to make it. His friend who seemed to be waiting in anticipation hugged and welcomed him and they both trotted inside Jia sarai. I remembered the 'tiru' who had arrived with a similar shine in his eyes a year and half ago. I might have failed to make it, but i have learnt something more. It's about the spirit to fight. It has nothing to do with winning or losing. It's about participating. It's about standing tall in failures. It's about keeping the cool in successes. It's about enjoying the journey more than arriving at the destination. It's about life and the proper way of living.

I failed in making it this time. But I succeeded in learning the right lessons. I thank God for failing me. The failure, I believe, is teaching me more than what the success might have taught. I have the courage to pick up the twigs from the shattered dreams and build, step by step, brick by brick, the lost dream. I am doing it right now. One day, I might shine in the glory, or i may go down unnoticed into the oblivion. Nevertheless, I will have one satisfaction. I stood by my dreams and I fought till my last breath in what I believed. It's that courage to face the life that I have learnt at Jia sarai.

May the coming generations of Jia sarai students succeed in their aspirations. With wishes and a heavy heart, I left Jia sarai in the early morning of 31st may 2007. Alone, a loser, with no results to show but like a fighter who looks forward to his next fight. Thank you Jia sarai. May God bless you.

Tiru

UPSC final score card

My Engineering Services Interview (Mechanical Engineering)

Ms. Chokila Iyer’s board interviewed me on 21st May 2007. I was the very first candidate to be interviewed this year. I was wearing a navy blue trouser and an off-white shirt with a matching tie of blue color with red dots. The helper opened the door and told me to go into the boardroom. I stopped near the door and my eyes met the chairman’s. She indicated me to come in. I went in and wished the members after which the chair indicated me to sit down. I thanked her and took my seat.
(for sake of simplicity CM stands for chairman Ms. Chokila Iyer, M1, M2 and M3 represent the other three male members present)
CM: Mr. Tirumala, I see from your profile that you have some work experience. Why did you leave your job?
Tiru: I left the job to prepare for civil services ma’m.
CM: I see, so you left the job to prepare for civil services. Anyway, I guess you would have come here by train. Am I correct?
Tiru: No madam, actually I am currently staying at Delhi and didn’t come from my hometown.
CM: Anyway, you must have traveled by train sometime. So I want to know whether you have observed lately that concrete sleepers are replacing the wooden sleepers being used earlier. What do you think about it? What is the advantage of concrete over wood?
Tiru: Madam, wood (lignum vitae) absorbs moisture and slowly loses its strength. India, being a tropical country, receives a lot of rainfall and this proves detrimental to life of wooden sleepers. Concrete sleepers do not have this problem.
CM: OK, thinking from environment point of view, what do you feel?
Tiru: Wood is renewable madam, as specific trees can be grown to meet the requirements but the metal such as iron used in reinforced concrete cannot be replaced, once used.
CM: You might be reading newspapers. What do you think about global warming? Do you think people are concerned?
Tiru: Yes madam, Global warming has taken up serious proportions now and it’s high time we take hard decisions to stop it. And yes, people are now very concerned which I feel is very correct. We now hear every other day about Green peace, Kyoto protocol, Carbon trading etc.
CM indicates to other members that she has finished asking questions and other members can now ask questions.
M1: So, I see that your hobbies are blogging and reading books. Don’t you think these two are contradictory?
Tiru: No sir, in fact I believe to be a good blogger or writer a person has to read a lot of books. The books give man perspectives on various issues. The books stimulate thinking and only then ideas come out which become material for blogging or writing.
M1: Do you write blogs online?
Tiru: yes sir, I maintain three blog sites. (I tell the details of my blog sites and what I write in them)
M2: You initially worked with Wipro. What were you doing there?
Tiru: Sir I was working at Wipro fluid power. (I explain my roles and responsibilities)
M2: Tirumala, what is the relation between global warming, ozone hole and the refrigerators we use?
Tiru: Sir, ozone hole is a side effect of pollution and global warming. Some refrigerants which contain chlorine in them e.g. Freon group react with ozone and break them into oxygen and this leads to formation of ozone hole. That is the reason why now a days such refrigerants are being phased out and we are moving towards chlorine free refrigerants like R134-a.
M2: But do you know that ozone hole has formed over Antarctica. Why has it not formed over US, Europe or India?
Tiru: Sir, it is not that the effect of pollution or global warming should be felt in the immediate vicinity. There are surface winds which moves all over the world and even the ocean currents move. Therefore, the effect of US’s pollution might be manifested anywhere in the world. This is true of any place and in any case sir, it is good that the hole has formed over Antarctica. Had it formed on our country, we would have been in trouble.
CM: Tirumala, you were working earlier. I see that you last worked as a senior design engineer at Eaton industries before leaving it. What were you doing there?
Tiru: (I explained my complete job profile which involved product development in hydraulics field)
M2: So you worked on gear pumps too. What type of gear do they use in gear pumps? What is the profile? Is it same as the one in industry?
Tiru: Yes sir, we too use involute profile but with a positive addendum correction.
M2: Can you show me how an involute profile is generated? Please draw it on the paper.
Tiru: (I draw it and show), Sir, this is the base circle and this is the generating line that rolls without slipping on it. Any point on it traces the involute curve.
M2: How do you manufacture involute gears?
Tiru: Sir, for mass production, we use hobbing. However, we can also go for simple shaping or milling too. But they are slow.
M2: What is the difference between hobbing and gear shaping?
Tiru: Sir, the principal is same except that the tool shape in hobbing is such that the cutting motion is continuous. The teeth are wound over a cylinder.
M2: Ok, can you tell me something about hydraulic pumps? What is a positive displacement pump and is there anything called negative displacement pump?
Tiru: Sir, there is nothing called negative displacement pump. We have positive or non-positive displacement pumps. The difference lies in the principle of operation. The positive pumps generate pressure by reducing the volume occupied by the fluid. The non-positive ones work on generating the pressure head by consuming the kinetic head as per Bernoulli’s equation.
M3: I see that you were also into bodybuilding and power lifting? What is the difference and use of these sports?
Tiru: (I explain)
M2: But bodybuilding is not a team sport. Don’t you think it is better to play team sport to develop team spirit?
Tiru: (I defend and accept the view of the member)
M3: Can you compare yoga with bodybuilding?
Tiru: (I compare and enumerate advantages and disadvantages of both)
M3: Regarding the question madam asked about wooden and concrete sleepers, I want to ask you one more thing. What is the advantage of wood over concrete?
Tiru: I don’t know exactly sir.
M3: What do you think about vibrations?
Tiru: Yes sir, wood is a better damper than concrete.
M3: So what should be done if we use concrete?
Tiru: Then we have to introduce dampers sir.
M3: Yes, we have to use dampers. Good. As you have worked in the field of fluid power, can you define what is a fluid?
Tiru: An ideal fluid is one which doesn’t offer any shear resistance i.e. no shear strain gradient is formed when subjected to shear stress. However, generally fluids form a strain gradient based on Newton’s law of viscosity as they deviate from ideal.
M3: Is air fluid?
Tiru: Yes sir, Air is a fluid.
The members indicate to the chairman that they have finished asking questions.
Chairman: Thank you Mr. Tirumala. Your interview is now over. You may leave now.
Tiru: thank you madam, thank you sirs.

I got up and walked out of the room. The interview lasted around 20 minutes.


Tiru
(I got through this exam. All India 38th Rank. The results came on 8th June 2007)

UPSC failure sinking in

ZOR KA JHATKA, DHEERE SE LAGA…

I caught an auto and Sandeep, my roommate, accompanied me to UPSC on the day the results came. There was already a crowd standing outside and checking their results. We rushed to the spot. It was crowded but we jostled and reached near the board. I started from the top. I first checked if I have topped the exam. Grrrr…. It was not my name. Fine, let me see in top 50. I started sweating when I didn’t see my name in top 50. So, I am not an IAS. Let me see next 50 if I am at least an IPS. Tough luck again. Then I patiently went through complete list of 474. I was not there; I mean, my name was not there. I checked again. Sandeep too was sulking, feeling wretched. His anguish at me failing appeared more than mine. He always believed that I would qualify. He looked at me, I grinned back. I told him to come out of the crowd. He wanted to check again. I said, no use, just come out. He came out.

We walked silently on the footpath. There were TV channels with their trucks and some reporters (including couple of beautiful ones) lining up outside UPSC to interview the toppers or those who qualified. We decided to hold on for some time. We lit up cigarettes and smoked. The cameras were rolling for successful candidates. I could have been one of them. I daydreamed giving an interview to one of the beautiful reporters. Then the absurdity of my situation stuck me and the feeling of self-loathing took over. I controlled. I called up home and told my parents. I got SMSes from the friends, some asking about results and some cheering me up for next time. In fact, I took it very lightly. The failure didn’t sink in. I was feeling fine. We caught an auto till IIT Junction, near Sandeep's office. Sandeep went back to office to do the remaining time;  I walked back into Jia Sarai. I couldn’t comprehend the magnitude of what had happened. I had another sutta and chai. Sank into my room. One by one guys came over to express sympathy. They wore dead expressions as if they, and not I, had failed. I in fact enjoyed looking at them. I couldn’t mourn the failure as I had prelims coming up after 5 days and I had Engineering Services interview lined up the very next morning after prelims.

Now, everything is over, my roommate has gone home. I am packing my books and baggage to shift to Bangalore. I have decided to appear this mains exam from Bangalore. Now, slowly the magnitude of failure is sinking in. I sit whole day in my room and stare blankly at the walls. I get bored. I lie down and look at the ceiling. I get up again and stare at the walls. The pain has gone beyond threshold of perception. I am numb. I am taking a break from books. I need it to recharge my brain. I roam around Jia Sarai, my last few days out here. This place taught me all about competitions. This place is now trying to teach me to live with failures. Yes, nothing has changed. Just that I have failed. Even my internal organs are working fine. The birds are flying, the sky is blue, and the trees are green. Nothing, absolutely nothing has changed. Will it change if I die? No, nothing would change. Life would continue. Only I would change. How personal and how mean the failures are. It only affects the person involved.
Anyway, I am too numb to write blogs. Just blabbering something. I saw some comments on my previous blogs that really made me feel better. I thank the souls for leaving such encouraging words in comments. It sure helps when one is down. But I will bounce back. This exam has caught me pants down. I will not rest till I change the situation. But if someone said "Zor ka jhatka, dheere se lage", he was talking about civil services exam results.

Failed!!!

A GAME WITH LIFE

I was strolling down the road, whistling some tune, and i saw life coming towards me. Life looked at me, stroked its chin and smiled. I returned the smile. Then we started speaking,
"How 'bout a game of cards buddy?" Life asked
"mmmm...why not?'" I replied
"OK, but there's no fun if there is nothing at stake, let's have something at stake"
"Can you elaborate?"
"I mean, if you win, I will be your servant and serve you, you will be happy and if you lose, you would lose all your savings and a couple of years of your life, fair deal, ain't it?"
"But i am already happy and i think you are already serving me well"
"Nope, you can't be happy for long like this, take my word on that and besides, I promise that you would enjoy the game" Life pleaded
"Fine, I like adventures and if the game is enjoyable, let's play"
The game started. It went long. With every passing round, the stakes increased. All my saved money, a year and half of my life, hard work of 10 hours per day, my little joys, everything was on the table. On life's side, there were only promises which I couldn't see. But i knew that life never lies. Finally, we called it a show. I showed my cards. Life showed it's cards. My heart sank.

I failed to make it to final merit list of UPSC Civil services exam.

tiru